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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#inquiries #tourist #information #office #city #period #features #comparisons
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The
chrart
Correct your spelling
chart
 illustrates three methods of receiving
inquiries
 in
tourist
Correct article usage
a tourist
show examples
 information office in a specific city for 6 months in 2011.
It is clear that
 people
had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
show examples
 made
inquiries
 in
person
 increased dramatically over
six-month
Add an article
a six-month
show examples
 period.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
inquiries
 by letter or email had a decreasing trend during the period.
Overall
, in
person
Add a comma
person,
show examples
inquiries
 increased as by telephone did too. In January 2011,
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
 was the lowest at a figure of roughly 450
whereas
 telephone was the highest rating
900
Change preposition
at 900
show examples
. As technologies improved, the number of
inquiries
 by telephone rose from 900 in January to 1600 in June 2011.
In addition
,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
inquiries
 in
person
 had a sharp increase from 450 to 1900 during the period which was more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
triple.
On the other hand
, amount of
inquiries
 by letter or email was the only method which had a decreasing tendency during 6
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
. From January to March the figure maintained stable at around 750 but it started to fall steeply in April and May as people writing letters and emails declined generally. In June it remained stable at approximately 380.
Submitted by wjddbs2206 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words inquiries, person with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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