Some people believe that schools should only teach children subjects which are beneficial to their future career and therefore others subjects such as music and sports are not important To what extend do you agree or disagree

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Education plays an important role in everyone's life.

Whereas

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some people believe that schools should solely focus on the

subjects

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necessary for

further

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careers, excluding areas

such

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as music and

sports

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, I disagree with

this

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point of view of eliminating physical and creative

activities

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Firstly

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subjects

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like music and

sports

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contribute significantly to children's

overall

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development. Music enhances cognitive abilities, creativity, and emotional intelligence, which are valuable in various fields

such

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as problem-solving, leadership, and more.

Additionally

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sports

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are beneficial for

students

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in many ways, with fitness being one of the primary benefits. A person who is involved in

sports

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is typically stronger than those who are not participating in physical

activities

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For example

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according to

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a survey conducted in Japan, more than 60% of older people who are healthy are those who have been involved in

sports

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Sports

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also

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teach teamwork, leadership, discipline, and more. If schools remove these

subjects

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from the timetable,

students

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will miss the opportunity to learn these beneficial skills. Moving

further

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, not all

students

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are interested in pursuing careers in science, business, and technology. Many people have talents for art, painting, or athletics, and it is necessary to nurture these talents in educational settings.

Adding more

Wrong verb form

Additionally

show examples

, if

students

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learn these

activities

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from childhood, they can become excellent players or artists, showcasing their talents at an international level and earning recognition for their country.

For instance

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according to

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a news article, artists who achieved first place were successful because of their routine and hard work from childhood.

Moreover

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, removing these

activities

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could lead to increased academic pressure and decreased student motivation.

Thus

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it is clear that

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extracurricular

activities

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are integral to career development and mental health.

To conclude

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although

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career-focused

subjects

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are necessary, other

subjects

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are

also

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valuable. A balanced approach that includes both is the best option, rather than choosing one over the other.

manpreetk221101Sat Mar 08 2025

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coherence and cohesion

The argumentation is clear, but consider varying your sentence structure slightly to enhance readability and interest within your paragraphs.

task achievement

You presented good examples and supported your points well; however, including one or two more specific examples could further strengthen your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure, with a strong introduction and conclusion that frame your arguments effectively.

task achievement

You made compelling points about the benefits of music and sports, showcasing their importance in children's development and future careers.

16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

309 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

beneficial
career-oriented
subjects
creativity
teamwork
emotional well-being
cognitive abilities
discipline
practical skills
overall development
expose
informed choices
passionate career

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Some people believe that schools should only teach children subjects which are beneficial to their future career and therefore others subjects such as music and sports are not important To what extend do you agree or disagree

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both view and giving your opinion

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Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has it damaging effect on society others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior discuss views and give your opinions

Some people believe that the internet has positive effect , others think that It has negative trends .Discuss both views and give your opinion .