Some people say that experiences a child has before starting schools have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experience as teenagers, especially at school, are more influential. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people might think that children can be influenced by what they experienced when they were infants.
However
, others believe that an adolescent's experience is more important. In my opinion, I believe the second statement is more accurate.
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Firstly
, childhood memories, regardless of whether they are good or bad, can have a huge effect on an infant. Linking Words
Therefore
, they focus on their life goals by remembering a strong memory that might cause someone influenced in a specific way. Linking Words
Moreover
, Linking Words
this
instinct can make children choose their schools, their friends, and even their life partners. Linking Words
For example
, almost every Linking Words
children's
dream is to become a doctor, a scientist, or a firefighter when they are grown up because they have a memory that caused them to have to save lives.
Fix the agreement mistake
child's
On the other hand
, adolescents can be able to gain lots of experiences which can add different ways to their sights in the schools. Linking Words
Additionally
, they become individuals who are questioning everything because they are able to discover their self-awareness. Linking Words
For example
, someone, who wanted to be a doctor in his/her early childhood, may desire to become an artist. At the same time, they can discover the areas, which they like the most and want to do in their whole lives when they are teenagers with a proper education in their schools.
In conclusion, Some people think that early childhood experiences have the most influence on kids, Linking Words
while
others think that the adolescence era is more important. I believe that kids under a certain age can not think by themselves because they lack self-awareness until they become teenagers. So, experiences in teens have more influence on individuals.Linking Words
Submitted by bloodylady on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a good discussion of both perspectives on the topic. However, it could benefit from more detailed examples and explanations to enhance clarity and support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit awkward. For example, "an infant's experience is more important" could be clearer if rephrased to "the experiences during teenage years are more influential." Make sure your sentences are clear and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
You addressed both perspectives well and provided your own opinion clearly.