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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays children play computer games for long hours. They do not play traditional game. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think it influences in a good or bad way?

In recent years,
children
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 have spent an increasing amount of
time
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 playing
computer
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games
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, often for several hours a day, rather than engaging in traditional
games
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. There are several reasons for
this
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 shift, and it has both positive and negative effects on
children
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. One main reason
children
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 prefer
computer
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games
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 is the entertainment value.
Computer
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games
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 are often more exciting and interactive, with advanced graphics and engaging storylines. These
gamesallow
Correct your spelling
games allow
children
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 to immerse themselves in virtual worlds, which can be more appealing than traditional outdoor
games
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.
Additionally
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, many
computer
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games
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 are designed to be social, allowing
children
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 to play with their friends online, which makes the experience even more attractive. Another reason is the convenience.
Children
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 can play
computer
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games
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 at home, and they often do not require much physical effort. Traditional
games
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,
on the other hand
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, often require outdoor space or equipment, which might not always be available or convenient.
However
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,
while
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computer
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games
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 can be enjoyable and improve skills
such
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 as hand-eye coordination, they can
also
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 have negative effects. Spending too much
time
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 on screens can lead to physical health problems like obesity, as
children
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 tend to sit for long periods.
Moreover
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, excessive gaming can reduce
time
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 spent on other important activities,
such
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 as homework or socializing face-to-face with friends.
For example
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,
children
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 who spend too much
time
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 gaming may become socially isolated or develop poor academic performance. In conclusion,
while
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computer
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games
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 can be fun and beneficial in moderation, excessive gaming can have negative consequences. It is important for
children
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 to balance their gaming
time
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 with physical activities and social interactions to ensure their
overall
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 well-being.

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task achievement
The essay generally addresses the question well and covers the reasons for children's preference for computer games, along with the influence on children. However, further elaboration on the positive aspects of gaming could provide a more balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
The structure is generally logical, but the connection between some points could be clearer. For example, after discussing the convenience, directly link it back to why it detracts from traditional games.
task achievement
More specific examples or case studies can strengthen the argument. For instance, mentioning specific types of games that promote social skills or creativity would provide more relevance to the examples used.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the main reasons and impacts, leading to a coherent thesis.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the key points and emphasizes the importance of balance, providing a strong closing to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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