IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save their money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
We are living in a developed world with high material needs. Thereby, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that saving
money
Use synonyms
 for the
future
Use synonyms
 is very necessary for all ages, including young inhabitants. In my view, I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain some reasons why I am partly with
this
Linking Words
 statement. On the one hand, there are a lot of benefits when
people
Use synonyms
 save
money
Use synonyms
 for the
future
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 from a young age will ensure long-term financial security. Unexpected expenses and emergencies can arise at any time in their life, so having financial savings can solve these problems easily.
In addition
Linking Words
, all services, goods and amenities are much more expensive than before. So saving
money
Use synonyms
 is very crucial for
people
Use synonyms
 to get anything easily.
Moreover
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 have some essential skills
such
Linking Words
 as discipline, independence, foresight and budgeting. When young
people
Use synonyms
 learn to manage their
money
Use synonyms
 effectively, they are more likely to make informed decisions about their spending and investments.
For example
Linking Words
, a teenager who saves a part of his allowance learns to budget for both immediate wants and
future
Use synonyms
 needs, creating a foundation for responsible financial behaviours.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some issues that need attention. First of all, saving
money
Use synonyms
 can sometimes cause problems
due to
Linking Words
 misunderstandings and mixed reactions about it. Some
people
Use synonyms
 cannot understand between saving
money
Use synonyms
 and stinginess, so they start saving too much
money
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can lead to a decrease in the quality of life of each individual.
For instance
Linking Words
, some inhabitants think that buying fresh food and using safety services is unnecessary and wasteful.
Additionally
Linking Words
, residents start buying food of unknown origin and using poor quality services at cheap prices which can cause a lot of ailments.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 I agree that saving
money
Use synonyms
 for the
future
Use synonyms
 is important for everyone, including young ages, they have to use their
money
Use synonyms
 for their own purposes and responsibility.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay presents a clear position and addresses the task well, but it can be further improved by more completely addressing potential counterarguments or elaborating on points in more depth.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay's structure is logical and paragraphs are effectively organized, it could benefit from smoother transitions between some ideas to enhance cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both strong and clearly outline your position on the topic.
task response
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the teenager saving an allowance, which effectively support your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: