Nowadays young people admire media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

These days,youngsters tend to follow
celebrities
, either in
media
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the media
show examples
or
athlets
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athletes
while
certsin
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certain
famous people
seen
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seem
show examples
no
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not
show examples
to be
a
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apply
show examples
ideal
idol
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idols
show examples
for the public.
Although
it is argued that
this
trend may
beneficial
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be beneficial
show examples
points for
the
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apply
show examples
society, I firmly believe that the negative points may overcome positive ones.
Firstly
, I concede that
celebrities
in any society can be extremely impressive
specially
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especially
show examples
for
adelecents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
.
However
, the problem is that many of those stars tend to have luxury
lifestyle
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lifestyles
show examples
and
this
trend may make
youngstres
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youngsters
disappointed.
Moreover
, a few
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
celebrities
have
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
lifestyle. The majority of them deal with corruption and fear of public
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
so,
obviousely
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obviously
, they
cann not
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cannot
perform as
a
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an
show examples
efficient role model in society. In the past, young people had a tendency to follow other types of
celebrities
such
as a famous
writer
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writers
show examples
or impressive
enterprenour
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entrepreneur
entrepreneurs
while
these days,
media
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in media
show examples
or sports famous people are replaced entirely.
Secondly
, undoubtedly, role models tend to
incresing
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increasing
prevalence
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the prevalence
show examples
of laziness. They not only
encourge
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encourage
youngsters to attempt in
dead end
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dead-end
show examples
job
such
as being
You-tuber
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YouTuber
show examples
but
also
discourage them
to
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from
show examples
countinue
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continuing
their education and depict it as an
unusfull
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unusual
unuseful
activity.
For example
, in social
media
, there are a plethora number of videos which show that education and being literate are not effective in
this
world and
on the other hand
, put
firmly
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firm
show examples
emphesize
Correct your spelling
emphasis
on earning money from menial jobs
instead
of high-grade occupations. All being said,
traceing
Correct your spelling
tracing
tracking
celebrities
either in
media
or
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
by youngsters is a new trend
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
days.
While
it is argued that
this
may have
beneficiasl
Correct your spelling
beneficial
points, I firmly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that the drawbacks would overshadow
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
ones.
Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on

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grammar
Pay more attention to grammar and punctuation to avoid misunderstandings. Correct the spelling errors and improve the sentence structure to make your essay more readable.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and substantive.
task achievement
Work on developing clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Ensure that each paragraph discusses one main point and that this point is thoroughly explored.
introduction conclusion
The essay presents a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, showing that you understand the complexities of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • media personalities
  • sports icons
  • role models
  • admiration
  • influence
  • behavior
  • mindset
  • values
  • unethical behavior
  • healthy lifestyles
  • social media platforms
  • celebrity culture
  • career aspirations
  • educational goals
  • positive change
  • ethical standards
  • amplify
  • idolize
  • public perception
  • impressionable
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