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Band 5

It is important for people to take risks. Both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
Taking
risks
 is one of the main challenges for
people
 in juries.
And for
Correct word choice
For
show examples
 some
people
, the advantages of taking
risks
 rationally are better; meanwhile, others would rather not make risky decisions. Personally, I do not prefer to play safe or stay in one position;
otherwise
,
life
 will be boring. It is very important to take
risks
 in some main human
life
 parts. Especially if
this
 person wants to make some changes in his
life
. For the reason that
people
 prefer not to take
risks
, they
often
Add a missing verb
are often
show examples
 just afraid to lose what they have, like friends or job titles. And without
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
 strong decisions, their problems usually do not change.
Further
, not all
risks
 are seen
off
Change preposition
as
show examples
 losses. And most of the risk that you take in the end there is
noting
Correct your spelling
nothing
show examples
 wrong, and you may take a hazard again and again.
For example
, a German national university found out that
people
 who take
risks
 are more successful in
life
 in comparison with those who do not.
On the other hand
, there are
an amount
Change the quantifier
a number
show examples
 of
people
 who think that taking a risk is not worth it. In my view, they already made
such
 a decision and failed. And now, they like to bypass
risks
. For some
people
, it might be better to not include something new and just stay in comfort without the future, but I don't agree with that because I am not the kind of person who will wait forever for perfect timing and waste all of it.
For example
, where
someone
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 taking the initiative and achieving success in their jobs,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 are just waiting for success without doing anything.
Overall
, I think that taking
risks
 depends on human ambitions. If one has big goals in his
life
, others just "live
life
," if we can say that. And in my opinion, if you have huge plans or goals, you must take
risks
 and take control.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task response
Work on enhancing clarity and precision in expressing ideas. Ensure that every idea is fully developed and explained with detailed reasoning or examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that every paragraph clearly supports your main argument. Use connecting words and phrases to create smooth transitions between sentences and ideas.
task response
Make sure your main points are supported by relevant and specific examples. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task response
The essay demonstrated a clear understanding of the topic and provided a balanced view on taking risks in professional and personal lives.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The argument is supported by examples, particularly the reference to the German national university study.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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