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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on other planets. Some people think that the government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problems of the public. To what extent do you agree?

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The government is investing a significant amount of funds in other planets to look for possible life. In my opinion,
although
 there are a number of issues regarding healthcare and education that the government should consider, I disagree that spending money on another planet is unnecessary.
To begin
 with, there are a number of issues related to the healthcare industries that
people
 are facing and need immediate attention.
For example
, the majority of
people
 are struggling with cancer, which is an unknown and uncurable disease. To tackle
this
 problem, the government should give funds to the research department to develop vaccinations for cancer.
As a result
, many
people
 who might live longer are at present leaving their loved ones at an early stage of their lives.
This
 will
also
 give hope to society that
this
 disease is not as dangerous as it used to be. Another important point that should be considered is the high fees at the universities to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 for higher education.
In other words
, universities have higher fee rates so poor
people
 cannot afford to admit their children into these colleges. Because of
this
 reason, the higher authorities should give free education to these families.
Consequently
, all students can go to college to study academic subjects and acquire knowledge to be a part of society.
This
 will
also
 give an opportunity to work in different fields and earn money to live a happy life. In conclusion,
while
 there are numerous reasons to solve public issues, I disagree with the phenomenon that the state should not spend higher amounts of money to establish life in other galaxies.
Submitted by parmarheena277254 on

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task achievement
Focus on providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, as this will help in clearly illustrating your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly state your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported and relevant to the discussion topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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