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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is loss the of particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
It is without a doubt that environmental problems have become a serious
issue
. Some individuals believe that the
loss
 of particular
species
such
 as animals and plants is the main problem,
while
 others are of the view that there are bigger obstacles which challenge the environment. In my opinion, the extinction of
species
 is a critical
issue
 we need to preserve them by all means. Those who believe that the
loss
 of
species
 may not be the most important environmental problem, point out that issues
such
 as water scarcity will intensify the environmental and mankind problems. Since
,
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 the population of the world has significantly increased over the past years and it has caused the level of
fresh water
Correct your spelling
freshwater
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decline
Fix the infinitive
to decline
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.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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this
 crisis might not only demolish specific
species
 but all the creatures on earth.
Hence
, the lack of fresh water should be the priority of all the countries and related organizations to be solved.
Moreover
, they claim that pollution is the second most serious
issue
 and we have to take action so as to save the
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
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 from harmful infectious diseases caused by it.
On the other hand
, those who argue that the
loss
 of
species
 is the most important problem, say that the extinction of animals may not appear a vital
issue
 but in the
not too distant
Add a hyphen
not-too-distant
show examples
 future we will realize why they are important. In fact, any type of animal has its impact on the environment, look at the bees or flies. Bees play an important role in agriculture and have responsibilities for pollinating the flowers,
or
Correct word choice
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as the report about flies shows the
loss
 of flies brought numerous challenges to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Chinese societies because all flies fight the viruses in the air and save people from infecting
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Additionally
, the existence of plants is as important as any of the creatures on the planet. If it is lost it will surely make or have a bad impact on the ecosystem and would cause the climate negatively. In my personal view,
while
 there are certainly many pressing environmental concerns, I believe that the
loss
 of
species
 is a critical
issue
 that we need to take seriously. Indeed, their deterioration might make way for diseases and
further
 adversities, which will totally be against people's
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 and nature.
Therefore
, everyone should give a hand in order to save both the
species
 and humans.
Submitted by jameslbritt16 on

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task achievement
While your essay effectively discusses both views and presents your opinion, try to delve deeper into explaining why some issues are prioritized over others, such as the link between water scarcity and global warming.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly by using more connective phrases (e.g., moreover, furthermore) to enhance the overall flow of your arguments.
task achievement
For clarity, consider breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones, ensuring each idea is stressed in its independent sentence for a much clearer understanding.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion that succinctly present the arguments and your opinion, demonstrating good organization skills.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples, such as the role of bees in pollination, which add depth and credibility to your arguments.
task achievement
Your explanations of both sides of the argument show balanced consideration and critical thinking.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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