IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that goverment is wasting money on the art and that this money could be better spent somewhere else. To what extent do you agree with this view.

#people #goverment #money #art
Some individuals admitted that
organization
Correct article usage
the organization
show examples
 is wasting
money
 on the
art
 and that
this
 amount could
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 anywhere else for the benefit of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 view.
This
money
 should be spent on
transport
 and
cleanliness
Correct article usage
the cleanliness
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. I will support my opinion with arguments in the essay below.
To begin
 with, authorities should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
money
 for the advantage of local people rather than spending
money
 on
art
, which gives no benefit.
Transport
 plays a significant role in any nation. Thousands of people use public
transport
 daily to reach their
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
.
From
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my view. facilities for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 should be the first priority of
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. In many countries, transportation is
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top of the list for organizations.
For example
, transportation for students in Finland is free.
Additionally
, students can go anywhere
free
Change preposition
for free
show examples
 by showing their student card.
This
 method should be applied in every
country
 of the world.
Secondly
,
art
 gains no value, if the streets of the cities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 unpaved and dirty. It can be clearly seen that, nowadays government officials are neglecting
neatness
Correct article usage
the neatness
show examples
 of
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
. They spent millions on constructing museums,
art
 galleries etc to expand tourism in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
For example
, Dubai is the
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
cleanest
country
 in the world and because of
cleanliness
Correct pronoun usage
its cleanliness
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
enoromous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 amount of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
.
From
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion, if a tourist visits any
country
,
cleanliness
 is the first thing they will notice rather than
art
.
For instance
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should take serious action on
cleanliness
Add an article
the cleanliness
show examples
 of the
country
 and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 funds to cleaning centres, so that they can clean
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
 daily. In conclusion, spending
money
 on
transport
 and
cleanliness
Correct article usage
the cleanliness
show examples
 of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 is far
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better,
in contrast
 to wasting
money
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
.
As a result
,
this
 can benefit local citizens,
students
Correct word choice
and students
show examples
 and
also
going to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
attract
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
.
Submitted by kirivlogs0 on

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grammar
There are minor grammatical issues and some awkward phrasing that slightly affect readability. Try to proofread your essay or use grammar-check tools to minimize errors.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your argumentation links back to your thesis statement at the beginning, making it clear how each point supports your overall viewpoint.
task achievement
Adding more in-depth examples or data to support your points could increase the persuasiveness of your argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly responds to the task by addressing the allocation of government funds towards arts versus essential services like transport and cleanliness.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with a distinct introduction, supporting paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support the main points, such as the example of free transportation for students in Finland.
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