Wild animals have no use in the 21st century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In the recent century, the priority of
preservation
of wild Correct article usage
the preservation
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
became
a widely debated topic. Some argue that since these Wrong verb form
has become
animals
are not quite functional for human
, the budget for preserving them can be used in other areas. Fix the agreement mistake
humans
This
essay disagrees with this
point and shows that it is important to preserve the ecosystem.
First of all, animals
can be a source of learning and entertainment for children. Toddlers are in
a critical age for learning compassion and responsibility. By showing Change preposition
at
animals
’ interaction to
one another, they would be taught that they are not the only living Change preposition
with
being
and we have the responsibility to keep our environment safe. In fact, young environmental Replace the word
beings
activist
tend to come from countries with better preservation of animal Fix the agreement mistake
activists
habitas
. Correct your spelling
habitats
habits
habitat
Moreover
, children tend to enjoy recreational activities involving animals
. For example
, Ottawa park
is a habitat of wild birds and Capitalize word
Park
deers
. Many children, join their caregivers on a hike to see these Fix the agreement mistake
deer
animals
and feed them.
Secondly
, ecosystem
depends on every living being in wildlife. If one animal Correct article usage
the ecosystem
become
extinct, it can lead to the expansion or extinction of other species, Change the verb form
becomes
this
in return, can influence humans’ Correct pronoun usage
which
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
For example
, in a distant island in 18th
century, the wide killing of snakes led to the uncontrolled increase of mouse’s birth rate. Different lethal diseases Correct article usage
the 18th
rose
as Correct your spelling
arose
result
of these, which led to the black death of kids in that era.
In conclusion, it is crucial for us to avoid Add an article
a result
extinction
of Correct article usage
the extinction
wild
with our best effort. Correct article usage
the wild
In addition
to the learning and entertainment opportunities it brings, the ecosystem depends on every wildlife.Submitted by razmimhy on
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general advice
Some sentences are a bit awkward or unclear; revise for clarity. For instance, 'animals can be a source of learning and entertainment for children' could be made more impactful.
task achievement
Make the link between protecting animals and children learning compassion more explicit. How does seeing animals directly impact their sense of responsibility?
coherence cohesion
There are areas where subject-verb agreement issues arise, such as 'young environmental activist tend to come'. Make sure verbs agree in number with their subjects.
task achievement
Strong introduction that clearly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the Ottawa park example, are relevant and help support your key points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear structure, including a defined introduction and conclusion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?