IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

do you agree that parents should put their infants in day-care centers

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Nowadays, it is crucial to enrol our babies in daily
centres
Use synonyms
 as responsible parents. I strongly agree with
this
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 point of view. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall elaborate on the reasons and discuss my opinion more. On the one hand,
firstly
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, it is obvious that if we register our
kids
Use synonyms
 at looking-after
centres
Use synonyms
, they will be able to improve their social skills.
In other words
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, it is crucial to enhance their social capabilities since it will allow them to communicate properly.
Thus
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, preschool
centres
Use synonyms
 will help them regarding
this
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 matter.
Secondly
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, if we let our
children
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 spend time on their interests at a special academy, we will assist them to boost their self-confidence in the future.
Also
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, it is essential to pay attention to how we can manage their emotional intelligence in terms of a better prospect. So, it is necessary to teach them through expert teachers in kindergarten.
For example
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, in the USA, some parents tend to send their
kids
Use synonyms
 to preparation classes when their
children
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 are under 7 years old. They argue that they will be ready to accept their responsibilities as a self-structured person.
On the other hand
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, critics assume that it is essential to consider our
children
Use synonyms
's feelings.
Therefore
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, if we ask them to participate in educational courses when they are not ready, they will not be able to overcome issues.
However
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, I strongly believe that we have to reinforce our
children
Use synonyms
's abilities through supportive actions,
such
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 as hiring a teacher who is familiar with psychological behaviours, as it will be profitable
due to
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 the self-control of
kids
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.
Additionally
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, it would be a great idea if we could help them through constructive courses that can provide self-esteem for their characteristics.
For instance
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, in India, the government compels parents to employ a therapist for their
children
Use synonyms
 to monitor their actions. They think
this
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 method will decrease their tension and it will guarantee their future. In conclusion, it is vital to register our
kids
Use synonyms
 in day
centres
Use synonyms
 as it will enhance their self-esteem.
Also
Linking Words
, it will be helpful regarding their social skills. I totally agree that these actions will certify their well-being in the future.

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task achievement
It would be beneficial to further elaborate on the reasons and impacts of enrolling children in day-care centers. Providing additional specific examples and evidence would help to bolster the arguments.
task achievement
Consider refining some sentences for clarity and conciseness. This will ensure that all ideas are presented as clearly as possible.
task achievement
Improve the explanation and development of the counterargument to add balance and depth to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and transitions between paragraphs are smooth. This will enhance the overall logical flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen cohesion between ideas within each paragraph through the use of appropriate linking words and phrases. This will improve the readability and clarity of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which summarize the main points effectively. This structure provides a clear framework for your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt comprehensively, providing clear and relevant reasons and examples to support the main argument.
task achievement
The arguments presented are logical and relevant, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
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