IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

“Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

#“modern #forms #communication #email #amount #time #people #friends #effect #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that we live in a world where social networks are being developed more than ever. Modern forms of communication
such
Linking Words
 as email and texting are increasingly popular, reducing the amount of time
people
Use synonyms
 spend meeting
friends
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 has had a negative impact on their social life. I, myself, partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, which will be discussed below.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in the past, when modern
technology
Use synonyms
 had not yet developed strongly if
people
Use synonyms
 wanted to communicate with each other, they would choose to meet face to face to talk. If
people
Use synonyms
 are too far apart, they will write handwritten letters and send them to each other. Nowadays every home has at least one smartphone and
people
Use synonyms
 have chosen to use it as a communication tool because of the convenience it brings. Leading to
people
Use synonyms
 gradually change and adapt to using
technology
Use synonyms
 more. It cannot be denied that it has caused
people
Use synonyms
 to live closed off from the world around them and rarely meet
friends
Use synonyms
 for long periods of time.
However
Linking Words
, the development of
technology
Use synonyms
 and smartphones cannot be entirely blamed. They were created to help
people
Use synonyms
, not because they are useful so we abuse them.
Next,
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
's social lives became more or less better when modern
technology
Use synonyms
 appeared. A typical example is when the Covid epidemic broke out, we had to stay at home and were not allowed to go to school. Thanks to smart apps that connect us with teachers, we can continue our learning. In short, everything has its good and bad sides, but the main cause is still our own consciousness. If we are more open, if we know how to balance using
technology
Use synonyms
 and meeting
friends
Use synonyms
, if we learn to care more about the
people
Use synonyms
 around us,
then
Linking Words
 I am sure that our social life will improve. we will become better.
Finally
Linking Words
, it's not email or messaging that makes
people
Use synonyms
's social lives worse, it's because
people
Use synonyms
 don't know how to use it properly. I myself use messaging to communicate, but I always find a way to balance using it and seeing
friends
Use synonyms
 so it doesn't affect my social life too much.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it. As for the conclusion, ensure it summarizes your key points effectively. Both your introduction and conclusion need a bit more refinement for a complete argument structure.
logical structure
Organize your ideas more logically, ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Consider using clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument and transition signals to link ideas.
supported main points
Support your main points with detailed examples. While you provide some examples, they should be more specific and directly related to the topic to strengthen your argument.
complete response
Thoroughly address all parts of the task. Maintain a clear position throughout your response, and ensure that you offer a nuanced discussion that considers different perspectives.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand on your ideas to ensure they are fully developed. This will help create a more comprehensive argument and make your essay more convincing.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant examples to illustrate the points you're making. These examples help to demonstrate your understanding of the topic and enhance the overall effectiveness of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: