Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts, beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some think it is a good way to spend, while others think there are other better options. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many
people
invest a lot
of money
in clothes, haircuts, and beauty
products
to enhance their physical appearance. Some people
believe that it is a good way to invest money
, while
others believe that there are other better options for spending money
. I personally believe that while
spending on precious clothes, haircuts, and beauty
products
increases someone's physical beauty
, people
should spend their money
wisely on other places.
Spending a lot
of money
on expensive clothes, haircuts and beauty
products
increases the beauty
of a person
. A person
looks good when he spends a lot
on personal grooming and expensive clothing. It helps him to present himself in front of others. Moreover
, enhancing physical appearance helps a person
to boost his confidence level. When a person
feels that I am looking good and presentable, his confidence increases and it helps him to do his work properly. For example
, Japanese people
invest a lot
on
Change preposition
in
beauty
products
, and that helps to make them presentable in front of others. However
, I personally believe that a person
should invest money
on
something significant.
A Change preposition
in
person
can invest money
in personal development. He can achieve a degree, and enrol in a short course or a
training to develop his skills and knowledge. Remove the article
apply
This
practice can also
boost someone's confidence and skills. Furthermore
, a person
can spend money
to make a foreign trip, which can help him to learn about foreign cultures and traditions. A person
becomes more knowledgeable about a foreign culture and tradition. For instance
, the young generation from Bangladesh invests a lot
of money
to visit foreign countries, and it helps them to enhance their knowledge about foreign countries. Therefore
, I believe that a person
should spend money
to enhance his personal development.
In conclusion, people
should invest their money
wisely. Instead
of spending money
on beauty
products
and expensive clothing, one should spend money
on personal development.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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task response
Ensure that the essay remains focused on the topic throughout, without deviating from the main argument. In the introduction, clearly state both viewpoints before presenting your opinion to enhance clarity. Additionally, improve the clarity and depth of examples to strengthen your points. Examples should be more specific and directly linked to the argument. For instance, mention a study or statistic if available to support your claim about Japanese people's investment in grooming.
coherence and cohesion
Work on making transitions between paragraphs smoother. Use a variety of linking words or phrases to connect ideas coherently. Avoid repetitive expressions and try to diversify the sentence structures to improve the flow of the essay. Also, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea to be discussed.
task response
The essay presents a clear opinion, reflecting on both sides of the argument while maintaining a consistent stance.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, providing a clear opening to the essay and a summarized closing with the writer's stance.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.