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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

#gyms #lifestyle #popularity #world
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Nowadays, the number of commercial gyms is increasing in all parts of the world.
However
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, the amount of people who lack physical activity and are seated all day is rising which is quite concerning.
This
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 essay will explore the
issues
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 resulting from
this
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 and suggest viable solutions to help overcome these problems.
Firstly
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, the main cause of high rates of obesity in society is the lack of
exercise
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 which is the most important factor in maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Obesity is a very big problem as it causes many health
issues
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such
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 as cardiovascular diseases which leads to fatigue and the
feel
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feeling
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 of being out of breath constantly.
Additionally
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, it is common to get chronic back pain
as well as
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 weak joints
due to
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 being stationary for a long period of time.
For instance
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, in China, it has been reported that most people that are visiting hospitals and physiotherapy clinics are desk workers as they claim that they do not
exercise
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 often and work long hours seated which causes many physical
issues
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.
Exercise
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 supports the growth and increases the strength of heart muscles which work to pump blood around the body,
therefore
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 it is advised to work out daily as
this
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 helps avoid health
issues
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 led by lack of physical activity.
This
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 may be a great solution as many doctors and experts suggest that
exercise
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 is the best way to overcome all physical problems.
Furthermore
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, governments should put bicycles for hire in many parts of the country for the public to use as
this
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 will motivate them to cycle rather than sit in a car seat and drive around. Cycling is very healthy for the joints and muscles,
also
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 it is something that people could enjoy doing. In conclusion, a sedentary lifestyle leads to many health complications
such
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 as obesity and joint pain.
However
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, there are many solutions to help avoid
this
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such
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 as exercising daily and having bicycle hire stations in many parts of the country to help motivate individuals to move.
Submitted by aysalhelebi on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to keep your ideas concise and avoid repetition to make your essay more coherent.
task achievement
Include more real-life examples and case studies to better illustrate your points.
task achievement
Make sure to address all aspects of the question in a balanced way.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough discussion of the problems and solutions related to a sedentary lifestyle.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and provide strong framing for the essay.
task achievement
The use of a real-life example from China helps to support the points made about the health consequences of a sedentary lifestyle.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical inactivity
  • health problems
  • weight gain
  • obesity
  • energy levels
  • chronic illnesses
  • mental health
  • productivity
  • focus
  • social isolation
  • exercise
  • physical fitness
  • active lifestyle
  • health benefits
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • leisure activities
  • regular physical activity
  • physical exercise
  • cardiovascular health
  • strength training
  • flexibility
  • endurance
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