IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the population figures of different types of wild birds in the United Kingdom between 1970 and 2004

The graph below shows the population figures of different types of wild birds in the United Kingdom between 1970 and 2004
#population #figures #birds #kingdom
The figure shows that the index
population
 of wild birds from 1970-2004 has different
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 from each other
species
. The
number
 of wild birds who still alive
such
 as coastal
species
 around 140, all
species
 around 110, woodland around 90, and
farmland
 around 60
species
. Coastal
Species
rising
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 dramatically from 1970 to 1986 meanwhile after 1986 to 2024
remind
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 stable.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, Woodland
species
 have
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 trend from 1970 to 1977, but after 1977 to 2004 continually
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
.
Therefore
,
Farmland
species
 have
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 trend from 1970 to 1977, and after 1977 to 2004 dramatically
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
. Despite of the
number
 of coastal
species
 is the
most high
Change the adjective
highest
show examples
population
 compared to other
species
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the
number
 of coastal
species
 are only 20
species
 from 1970-2004. Meanwhile, Woodland
spices
Correct your spelling
species
show examples
 have the higher
number
 of
species
 with 33
species
 in total, even though the
population
 is below the standard of other
species
.
In addition
,
Farmland
species
that has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
species
 with
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
19
Change preposition
of 19
show examples
species
,
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 minimum
population
 that life endangered.
To sum up
, the
population
 of all
species
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom tends to be
Stabil
Correct your spelling
stable
 from 1970 to 2024.
However
, coastal
species
remind
Verb problem
remain
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 each year, and woodland
species
 and
farmland
species
 decrease.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, number, species, farmland with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: