Some people think that professional sports players earn too much salary, especially when they do not seem to help peopleand societies the way people of other occupations such as doctors, teachers, and soldiers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Professional
athletes
' salaries
are sometimes argued in terms of their amount; it is said to be too high, despite their perceived lack of direct social contributions compared to professions
like doctors and teachers. I totally disagree with this
opinion from the perspective of the social function of sports
and the length of their professional period.
To begin
with, compared to other occupation's salaries
, it is true that the salary of professional sports
players
is apparently much higher than that of other jobs, especially in popular sports
, such
as football and baseball. Despite the high financial rewards, many view sports
as merely recreational, lacking the serious social impact of other professions
. And thus
, some people might have a sense of disparity in this
gap between athletes
and other workers.
Nonetheless
, from some aspects, their salaries
can be said to be proper. Considering their contributions to society, athletes
also
provide significant social benefits through their influence on national pride, international
unity, and by serving as role models for young people. Correct word choice
and international
Sports
players
have empowered people globally, even though these watchers do not play sports
. From other aspects, their paid period is often shorter than other occupations, even though they have to maintain their physical and mental strength 24/7 as part of their professions
. If when the player were to be injured or just get older, they might lose their means of livelihood.
In conclusion, despite the significant salary gap between the salaries
of sports
players
and other occupations, considering the role of sports
in the modern era, athletes
make significant contributions to society, in a different way from other traditional professions
. Moreover
, the period athletes
can earn is shorter than others. Therefore
, I believe that sports
players
are paid proper wages.Submitted by am on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing the main points of discussion effectively. To enhance your task achievement, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments, such as statistics or anecdotes about professional athletes' contributions to society.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-organized paragraphs. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point related to the main argument, which makes the content easy to follow. To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to link ideas between paragraphs smoothly (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' 'On the other hand').
task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets up the main argument effectively, providing a good foundation for the essay.
task achievement
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, providing a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure throughout, with each paragraph supporting a specific point related to the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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