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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason for this? What are the effects of this habit?

#people #reason #effects #habit
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In
this
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 day and age, several
people
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 spend
time
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 with their
work
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 or study but don't spend
time
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 for sleep.
However
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, many factors that
people
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 sleep less than in the past because of their duties
moreover
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 these habits impact health the most.
To begin
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 with, at
night
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 is the
time
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 that
people
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 should take a rest after facing
work
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 and study or ant tried thing all day but nowadays numerous of
people
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 are
night
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 owls so they always spend
time
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 focusing on their job at
night
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 with reasons that at
night
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time
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 is quiet and peace and some of the peoples can create the new idea at
night
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. Alternatively, large entertainment places are open at
night
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hence
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 plenty of
people
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 come to enjoy themselves and relax. Even the best relaxation is lying in bed.
However
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,
this
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 habit is influenced by health today the percentage of the esthetic group who have insufficient rest is increasing.
Moreover
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, it comes with many various diseases
for instance
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 bipolar and psychosis in worthy cases. It affects the brain that are main control of the body ,
therefore
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, these factors cause diseases. Even though take a lot of medicines and see many intelligent doctors but still do the same habits totally not
work
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. In conclusion, getting proper rest is essential for the body
although
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, some days when
people
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 have to finish their assigned
work
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, they may stay up late or go out to entertainment venues to relax, but
this
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 should not happen too often because it affects the body.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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task achievement
You should work on fully developing your main points with more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Try focusing on maintaining a structured and logical flow to your essay. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
There is an attempt to address both causes and effects, showing an understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • circadian rhythm
  • insomnia
  • digital distractions
  • screen time
  • artificial lighting
  • sleep cues
  • FOMO (fear of missing out)
  • noise pollution
  • work-life balance
  • globalized economy
  • sleep disturbances
  • prolonged exposure
  • demanding jobs
  • work culture
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