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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children should be made disciplined by making them obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others, however, believe that those children who are controlled are not well-prepared to tackle the challenges life brings to them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #rules #parents #teachers #challenges #life
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Discipline
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 is essential in a
child
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's upbringing, and opinions differ on how to best
instill
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instil
show examples
 it. Some argue that strict adherence to rules set by parents and teachers is necessary for shaping disciplined individuals. Others believe that excessive control hinders a
child
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’s ability to adapt to life’s challenges. Both views have merit, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my opinion. On the one hand, setting clear rules and expectations helps
instill
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instil
show examples
 structure in a
child
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's life.
Discipline
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 teaches
children
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 the importance of responsibility, punctuality, and respect for authority.
For example
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, a
child
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 who follows a schedule for homework or chores learns time management, a valuable skill for future success. Without
discipline
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,
children
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 may become unruly and unable to meet societal expectations, which could negatively impact their future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, overly strict control can limit a
child
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’s ability to think independently or face unexpected challenges. If
children
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 are always told what to do without any autonomy, they may struggle when confronted with complex situations that require critical thinking.
For instance
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, a
child
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 who has always been controlled may not develop problem-solving skills, making it difficult for them to navigate real-world issues as adults. In my opinion, a balanced approach is best.
While
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 rules are important for teaching
discipline
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,
children
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 should
also
Linking Words
 be encouraged to make decisions and learn from their mistakes.
This
Linking Words
 combination will better prepare them for the unpredictability of life.
Submitted by berlinastanalll on

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task achievement
To improve your Task Achievement, consider expanding on your examples to provide more specific and relevant instances that better illustrate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper level of engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, ensure clear transitions between paragraphs and ideas. While the logical flow is good, varying your linking words and phrases can help create smoother transitions and make your essay more readable.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and complete response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the argument and offering your own opinion in a balanced manner.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the discussion well and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with each paragraph clearly supporting the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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