IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #teenager #society
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Some
people
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 believe
volunteer
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work
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necessary
Add a missing verb
is necessary
show examples
 for
children
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 in their free time because there are several benefits to both
teenagers
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 and the local community. In my opinion, I completely agree
teenagers
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 should do
volunteer
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works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 for two major reasons.
First,
Linking Words
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volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
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 encourage
children
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 to improve their soft
skills
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. When
teenagers
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work
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 for
volunteer
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jobs
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, they need to learn and improve their
skills
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,
such
Linking Words
 as communication and collaboration. Because there are a lot of
people
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 working in
jobs
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,
children
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 need to communicate about the details of
jobs
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 and collaborate with other
people
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 for their
jobs
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 successful.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will learn about how to develop their communication and
work
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 with numerous
people
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 whom they were unknown before. It improves their
skills
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 when
children
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 begin to socialize.
Second,
Linking Words
children
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 will know about their interests in
jobs
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 that encourage decisions for their careers in the future. The types of unpaid
jobs
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 are various and spend short time in each job. It usually takes simply 1-2 days per job. If
teenagers
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 attend various
jobs
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, they will have
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 in the kind of
jobs
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 in which they
work
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if
teenagers
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 attend
volunteer
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 events, they need to manage any tasks of events. That makes them known about their interest in management
skills
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. If they do not match in a management job, they can trial
work
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 in other
jobs
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.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
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,
teenagers
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 will
be knowing
Wrong verb form
know
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 what kind of
jobs
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 they
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
.
Change preposition
in.
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 Because they have experience in
jobs
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, it will
easier
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be easier
show examples
 for them to decide on careers or departments at the university. In conclusion, I think
teenagers
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 should
work
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 as volunteers in their free time because it improves soft
skills
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 and
useful
Add a missing verb
is useful
show examples
 when
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 begin their
work
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 in
socialize
Replace the word
socialising
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
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volunteer
Wrong verb form
volunteering
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makes
Verb problem
lets
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 them know about the direction of their
jobs
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 in the future.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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task achievement
Try to make your reasons clearer and expand on each point. For instance, you could delve deeper into how the skills teenagers gain from volunteering could benefit them in their academic and personal lives.
coherence cohesion
Use more diverse linking words and phrases to make the flow of your essay smoother. Additionally, ensure each idea transitions naturally into the next for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work to minimize grammatical errors and sentence structure issues. This will make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples to support your points, such as how managing tasks at volunteer events can help teenagers identify their interests.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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