Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree.

Some
people
believe
volunteer
work
necessary
Add a missing verb
is necessary
show examples
for
children
in their free time because there are several benefits to both
teenagers
and the local community. In my opinion, I completely agree
teenagers
should do
volunteer
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
for two major reasons.
First,
volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
show examples
encourage
children
to improve their soft
skills
. When
teenagers
work
for
volunteer
jobs
, they need to learn and improve their
skills
,
such
as communication and collaboration. Because there are a lot of
people
working in
jobs
,
children
need to communicate about the details of
jobs
and collaborate with other
people
for their
jobs
successful.
Therefore
, they will learn about how to develop their communication and
work
with numerous
people
whom they were unknown before. It improves their
skills
when
children
begin to socialize.
Second,
children
will know about their interests in
jobs
that encourage decisions for their careers in the future. The types of unpaid
jobs
are various and spend short time in each job. It usually takes simply 1-2 days per job. If
teenagers
attend various
jobs
, they will have
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
in the kind of
jobs
in which they
work
.
For example
, if
teenagers
attend
volunteer
events, they need to manage any tasks of events. That makes them known about their interest in management
skills
. If they do not match in a management job, they can trial
work
in other
jobs
.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
,
teenagers
will
be knowing
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
what kind of
jobs
they
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Because they have experience in
jobs
, it will
easier
Add a missing verb
be easier
show examples
for them to decide on careers or departments at the university. In conclusion, I think
teenagers
should
work
as volunteers in their free time because it improves soft
skills
and
useful
Add a missing verb
is useful
show examples
when
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
begin their
work
in
socialize
Replace the word
socialising
show examples
.
In addition
,
volunteer
Wrong verb form
volunteering
show examples
makes
Verb problem
lets
show examples
them know about the direction of their
jobs
in the future.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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task achievement
Try to make your reasons clearer and expand on each point. For instance, you could delve deeper into how the skills teenagers gain from volunteering could benefit them in their academic and personal lives.
coherence cohesion
Use more diverse linking words and phrases to make the flow of your essay smoother. Additionally, ensure each idea transitions naturally into the next for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work to minimize grammatical errors and sentence structure issues. This will make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples to support your points, such as how managing tasks at volunteer events can help teenagers identify their interests.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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