IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisure activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019.

The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisure activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The chart below demonstrates the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 that Chinese, American,
Turkish
Use synonyms
 and Brazilian
tourists
Use synonyms
 prefer doing leisure activities in
Greece
Use synonyms
 on holidays in 2019's August.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen, that Chinese and American people who are on a journey spend most of their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 reading books,
whereas
Linking Words
Turkish
Use synonyms
 and Brazil
tourists
Use synonyms
 use their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 at the beach Getting back to the details, in 2019's August, visiting places in
Greece
Use synonyms
 was the less popular activity among
tourists
Use synonyms
 during holidays.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Chinese
tourists
Use synonyms
 spend only 1 hour each
day
Use synonyms
 visiting places in
Greece
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 there are 8
hours
Use synonyms
 reading books in
day
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, not all
tourists
Use synonyms
 found book reading the most attractive activity.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Turkish
Use synonyms
 and Brazilian
tourists
Use synonyms
 prefer to spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 at the beach (5-6)
hours
Use synonyms
. Regarding the bar graph,
tourists
Use synonyms
 from China and America spend only 3 or
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 in
Greece
Use synonyms
 during holiday
time
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
for instance
Linking Words
,
Turkish
Use synonyms
 and Brazilian
tourists
Use synonyms
 prefer to spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 at the beach (5-6)
hours
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, most
tourists
Use synonyms
' average main activity is actually reading books,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
 of 5.5
hours
Use synonyms
 each
day
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for instance, however".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, day, turkish, tourists, greece, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average number
  • leisure activities
  • tourists
  • nationalities
  • cultural trends
  • interests
  • vacation
  • influence
  • participation
  • impact
  • weather
  • events
  • festivals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: