In some countries, online shopping is gradually replacing in-store shopping. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative impacts. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, online shopping has increased significantly in many parts of the world and tends to replace offline
stores
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. Some argue that
this
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trend poses advantages,
such
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as expanding the target market and introducing new
brands
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via social media platforms.
However
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, others believe that
this
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phenomenon has
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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effects, particularly for older citizens and for traditional
markets
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.
This
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essay will discuss these two perspectives and my own opinion. On the one hand, there are benefits of online shopping.
Firstly
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, I could help entrepreneurs to expand their
business
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.
In other words
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,
business
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people would have the possibility to gain revenue on online marketplaces.
McDonald
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McDonald's
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is an excellent example of
this
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. Previously,
this
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business
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relied its selling in an offline setting, meaning that their revenue depended merely on how many buyers visited their
stores
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such
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as in malls or department
stores
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. Now, after utilizing online platforms,
this
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business
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can earn double in terms of revenue. Another advantage is that the Internet plays a significant role in promoting new
brands
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, particularly for small and medium enterprises. In Indonesia,
for instance
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, there are many online businesses that run based on the internet. Some new
brands
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,
such
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as Olive Chicken, becoming popular among urban dwellers
due to
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their promotion on social media sites.
Therefore
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, the positive impacts of online shopping are proven.
On the other hand
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, the drawbacks of online shopping are undeniable.
This
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means that many individuals, especially the older generation, tend to be frustrated since they cannot adapt to new technologies.
Consequently
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, they may not earn money as much as they used to. For those who are sellers in the traditional market.
Due to
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the fact that vegetable businesses
also
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exist on the Internet, many traditional
markets
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experienced a reduction in their buyers because many of them prefer buying items in online vegetable
stores
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. It
also
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happens in malls where now their visitors are not as many as in the past.
Hence
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, online shopping clearly poses disadvantages both for people and sellers, especially in traditional
markets
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. In conclusion, shopping online has merits
such
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as expanding the
business
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market and introducing new
brands
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.
This
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trend
also
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has negative effects
such
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as for people who are unfamiliar with gadgets and for sellers in traditional
markets
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. In my opinion, offline
stores
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should have to adapt and adopt new technologies if they do not want to fall behind.
Submitted by salwafahanim on

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task achievement
Consider refining explanations to avoid repetition and to add more depth. For instance, clearly state how older generations might adapt or what specific measures can be taken to support them.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to make the essay flow more smoothly. For instance, use linking words like 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', or 'In addition' to connect ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views comprehensively and presents a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion is maintained throughout. Both sides of the argument are discussed effectively.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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