You would like to reduce your working hours in order to study part time.

Dear Sir /Madam I am writing regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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my working
hours
because I will
study
part time
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part-time
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so I want to arrange my
schdual
Correct your spelling
schedule
. I found my timetable very hectic which
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
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me from focusing on my
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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,
moreover
, the exams will be
after
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in
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two weeks and I want to
brings
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bring
show examples
a high marks
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a high mark
high marks
show examples
.
Also
, the university is far away from our factory
that
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so
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I spend 3
hours
to arrive, so the time in my day is very limited. I would choose the night
hours
as you know there
is
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are
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limited staff members who
working
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work
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during
this
period. If that
possible
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is possible
show examples
I want it to be from 7 pm until 11 pm, I will compensate my
remaning
Correct your spelling
remaining
hours
after finishing my exams. When you approve
this
schedule there will be a space for me to
study
very well,
however
, I will be qualified to manage the metal factory on the second floor which all my
study
about metal shaping.
While
my exam going to be about doing a car structure which
inevetabliy
Correct your spelling
inevitably
will
makes
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make
show examples
me
skillful
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skilful
show examples
. Yours faithfully Sara Salem
Submitted by noura239502 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your sentences flow logically from one to another. Consider using more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear conclusion that summarizes your request and reiterates the main points.
task achievement
Expand on specific examples regarding how reduced working hours will benefit both your study and work performance.
task achievement
Try to proofread your letter to check for grammatical issues and improve sentence structure.
task achievement
The letter addresses the main request clearly, stating the need for reduced working hours to accommodate studies.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction mentioning your request and reasons, as well as a polite closing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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