IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

You would like to reduce your working hours in order to study part time.

#hours #study #part #time
Dear Sir /Madam I am writing regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
my working
hours
 because I will
study
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 so I want to arrange my
schdual
Correct your spelling
schedule
. I found my timetable very hectic which
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 me from focusing on my
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
,
moreover
, the exams will be
after
Change preposition
in
show examples
 two weeks and I want to
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
a high marks
Correct the article-noun agreement
a high mark
high marks
show examples
.
Also
, the university is far away from our factory
that
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 I spend 3
hours
 to arrive, so the time in my day is very limited. I would choose the night
hours
 as you know there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 limited staff members who
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
 during
this
 period. If that
possible
Add a missing verb
is possible
show examples
 I want it to be from 7 pm until 11 pm, I will compensate my
remaning
Correct your spelling
remaining
hours
 after finishing my exams. When you approve
this
 schedule there will be a space for me to
study
 very well,
however
, I will be qualified to manage the metal factory on the second floor which all my
study
 about metal shaping.
While
 my exam going to be about doing a car structure which
inevetabliy
Correct your spelling
inevitably
 will
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 me
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
. Yours faithfully Sara Salem
Submitted by noura239502 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure your sentences flow logically from one to another. Consider using more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear conclusion that summarizes your request and reiterates the main points.
task achievement
Expand on specific examples regarding how reduced working hours will benefit both your study and work performance.
task achievement
Try to proofread your letter to check for grammatical issues and improve sentence structure.
task achievement
The letter addresses the main request clearly, stating the need for reduced working hours to accommodate studies.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction mentioning your request and reasons, as well as a polite closing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: