Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school .other , however , say that cooepration and team working skills are more important. Discuss bothe sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.
In Asia, it is very normal for classmates to be competitive because ,from a young age, school shows them no one is their friend and they should be better than anyone and anything, in Europe and UA it is different, their people believe in working as a team and in a group which would be discussed
further
in this
essay.
Firstly
, being someone who sees everything as competition is hard because you should always win in a game that nobody except you is playing and you think that no one is your friend and they are all enemies or people that do not want your best, being competitive is a habit which can be hard to let go of however
with the help of a professional leaving this
habit will be a lot easier and it will makeyou
feel free.
Correct your spelling
make you
Secondly
, Working in a group of people and talking with them will have a good influence on students and on their communication, they are of the same age and handling the same problems most of the time and cooperation will help them deal with issues a lot easier, problems such
as homework are the things students can do them together or they can help each other in other lessons. Also
, this
kind of learner will be more successful in their job and society.
To conclude
, my opinion is that competition can be a good thing to be taught but only in a way that shows students their classmates are not their enemy but just someone to influence them to get a good grade and not only this
thing will help them but also
it can be a good way to make the classmates bound stronger.Submitted by behnazahmadi2004 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a basic structure, but it lacks clear paragraphing and appropriate use of cohesive devices. More attention to paragraph structure, particular topic sentences and concluding sentences, could greatly improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both brief and lack clarity. The introduction should clearly present the topics for discussion, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the arguments made without introducing new ideas. Adequate emphasis on these sections could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
While you provided a viewpoint on both sides of the argument, the main points could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. Rather than making broad generalizations, focus on providing clear, relevant examples that back up your points.
task achievement
The essay sometimes strays from the topic, and ideas are not always clear and comprehensively explained. Focusing on ensuring that each paragraph contains one clear idea and is expanded upon with detail will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ideas related to the topic should be more specific and directly linked to the argument. Consider using real-world, concrete examples to illustrate your points. This could significantly improve task response and help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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