Some people think that success is the best indicator for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?
Several
people
think that achievement is the only indicator of smart
, Replace the word
smartness
however
, some people
believe that high brain levels can be measured in different ways. Thus
, I partially agree with both statements because of two factors, hard and being normally clever.
Being a successful person
does not mean that he is intelligent. For instance
, hard-working people
are everywhere, and there are a lot of hard workers in our life
, and they get such
high grades in school, doing exceptionally well in their academic studies. However
, their brain in life
is
not smart, because they are only focusing on education which will make their Correct subject-verb agreement
are
life
more complicated. Another type of successful person
is the person
who has both of those aspects, which are hard-working and a high mentality level. These factors will lead to victory in life
, providing a balanced approach to being smart and working hard.
There are a lot of successful people
who quited
school Correct your spelling
quit
in
an early age. Change preposition
at
For example
, Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs has one of the most significant clever minds in the world. He stopped going to school and focused more on himself, he upgraded the iOS phone system, which allowed for
the entire world to use his programmed device and benefit from his creation.
In the end, being a successful Change preposition
apply
person
will sometimes depended
on other ways like education. Change the verb form
depend
be depended
Otherwise
, there are a lot of people
who are born smart and not successful and that's because of their mentality. In my opinion, I feel it more depends on the person
himself.Submitted by Endo on
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task achievement
Consider refining the thesis statement to make it clearer and more precise. For instance, directly state that success alone does not equate to intelligence and provide a brief rationale.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that detract from the overall coherence of the essay. Make sure to proofread and revise your sentences for clarity. For example, 'their brain in life is not smart,' should be rephrased for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are fully developed and directly contribute to your thesis. Some of your points, though interesting, need further elaboration and connection back to the main argument. For instance, the example of Steve Jobs could be better linked to the idea that intelligence can be measured in other ways.
task achievement
Good attempt at addressing the prompt and providing a balanced perspective on the topic.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples (e.g., Steve Jobs) which make your essay more engaging and illustrate your points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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