IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Children
Use synonyms
 using their
smartphones
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 for a long
time
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 daily is an essential topic to discuss and analyze at the same
time
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 that most
people
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 are engaged daily. In the recent
time
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,
this
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 point is important.
Otherwise
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, it is controversial. It is important to speak about the pros and cons of using
smartphones
Use synonyms
 for a long
time
Use synonyms
 daily for
children
Use synonyms
. There are some distinctive benefits of using
smartphones
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.
First,
Linking Words
people
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 get information and develop their learning skills. There have been immense advances in using
smartphones
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 in most aspects of the lives of
children
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.
In other words
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, it is active in every realm of
society
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. Individuals believe in the role of using
smartphones
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 in
society
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. It will impact in a positive way on
children
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.
Second,
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children
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 contact easily their parents if the parents are at work. I work as a host aviation, and I understand that
smartphones
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 are very necessary for
people
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. When I travel to several countries, I discover the importance of using
smartphones
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 in their societies. A new study from the University of London shows that about 74% of
children
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 around the world use
smartphones
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 and have lots of information in different fields. On the other side, there are myriad negatives. One of them is that using
smartphones
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 may affect
children
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's performance at school. Facts in
this
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 field have proved that it has an impact on
society
Use synonyms
.
Also
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, using
smartphones
Use synonyms
 for a long
time
Use synonyms
 daily may affect social communication for
children
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,
for instance
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,
children
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 prefer to play video games more than hang out with their family. Some important research proves that it regularly causes dangerous problems.
Consequently
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, these are the major reasons why a vast number of
people
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 go to other options.
To sum up
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, using
smartphones
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 has brought many benefits to
society
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.
However
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, it is likely to produce many negative effects soon, but
people
Use synonyms
 cannot stop depending on it.
Submitted by walkuwari11 on

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task achievement
Work on refining your ideas and examples to be more specific and relevant. Avoid overly general statements and try to tie examples more closely to your main points.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay logically. Begin by clearly stating your position in the introduction, develop your ideas in the body paragraphs, and reiterate your perspective in the conclusion. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Expand your range of supporting points. You can balance your essay better by providing a similar number of positive aspects to negative ones.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and provide clearer reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which demonstrates a clear understanding of essay structure.
task achievement
You address both the positive and negative aspects of children using smartphones, fulfilling the essay topic's requirements.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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