Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative trend?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It can be seen nowadays that young

people

Use synonyms

, including small

children

Use synonyms

, spend a lot of time on their

phones

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

essay will explain why and

then

Linking Words

argue that it is an overwhelmingly negative development.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

children

Use synonyms

use their

phones

Use synonyms

a lot because they are enjoyable to the point of being addictive. Indeed, numerous studies have shown that

phones

Use synonyms

are as addictive for

children

Use synonyms

as sugar or drugs, and

this

Linking Words

makes it hard for them to moderate their behaviour. The apps on most

phones

Use synonyms

are designed to appeal to

people

Use synonyms

by rewarding them with dopamine and

children

Use synonyms

are particularly susceptible to

this

Linking Words

In addition

Linking Words

, the bright images, simple games, and immersive experience make

phones

Use synonyms

thoroughly appealing for young users.

This

Linking Words

constant usage brings various problems, with perhaps the most alarming being the impact on

people

Use synonyms

’s health. Using a phone is something that the human body has not yet adapted to and there are various risks. The most obvious one is neck damage. Doctors often warn that the postures

people

Use synonyms

use when using their

phones

Use synonyms

lead to neck strain, which can

also

Linking Words

trigger problems in the back and head. Some

people

Use synonyms

worry about eyestrain, too, though

this

Linking Words

is unproven.

Then

Linking Words

, of course, there is the fact that for

children

Use synonyms

almost the entirety of their entertainment comes in the form of these

phones

Use synonyms

and so they no longer go outside to play games in the fresh air,

getting

Wrong verb form

get

show examples

necessary exercise and socialising. They are stuck indoors, staring at their phone and becoming overweight, fragile, and unsociable. In conclusion, the current situation with

children

Use synonyms

using their

phones

Use synonyms

a lot is utterly negative. Even if there were any possible benefits, they would be grossly outweighed by the damage that these devices cause.

habal.oumaimaThu Sep 05 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

To achieve a higher band, ensure that all the points are explicitly supported by evidence or specific examples. For instance, when mentioning studies, briefly state what they concluded or their findings.

coherence cohesion

Although the essay has a logical flow, transitions between paragraphs can be more varied and smoother. Use a mix of linking words and phrases to avoid repetition and maintain reader's interest.

task achievement

The essay effectively addresses both parts of the question, providing reasons for children's smartphone usage and arguing against it with detailed points.

task achievement

Good use of academic language and precise vocabulary throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

Solid logical structure, with clear argumentation and well-organized paragraphs. The introduction and conclusion are present and succinct.

coherence cohesion

Main points are well-supported with relevant explanations, making the arguments persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

7.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

8.5

Complete response

8.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

screen time
digital devices
smartphone addiction
online interactions
developmental impact
physical health
mental well-being
academic performance
parental supervision
proliferation of apps
engaging content
excessive use
sedentary lifestyle

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
It is undeniable that modern globalization affects the behaviour of consumers in our society. One interesting development is the ability for people from various countries to buy the same products because all products are now provided online and can be shipped worldwide. I believe the positives of this development outweigh the negatives.
6.5
band
The practice of illegally hunting wild animals continues to cause concern in many countries, particularly developing countries. What are the causes of such hunting? What are the effects on the animals, and on the wider human society in these countries and beyond?
In today's digital age, illegally hunting animals in wildlife continues to cause worry in many countries, specifically developing countries. This writer believes that people usually hunt wild animals because of their worth and some believe that their body parts can make folk medicine for old people. This will cause rare animals to become extinct, also humans's lives will no longer be as diverse as before.
7
band
Some are of the opinion that people are naturally born as good leaders while others feel that leadership skills can be learned. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The argument about whether a leader is born or made has raised a lot of concerns , especially in the corporate world with some believing that they are hereditary traits that one is born with, and some being of the opinion that they are acquired skills. This essay will provide a detailed breakdown of both views and why l stand with the latter's viewpoint.
7.5
band
Some people say that all students should study history as a major subject, while others feels that other subjects are important for children in today's society. Discuss both sides and give your opinion .
Some individuals argue that the history course should be compulsory , while others believe that the technical knowledge is imperative for the bright future. Although the first group offers the opportunity to the learn about culture of other countries there are limited seats for a career, I think that the second one is better for developing skills and long last benefiting the economy's growth.
7
band
You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. Write a letter to the Registrar, complaining about the service you received.
I took my six-year-old daughter to the hospital a week ago because she complained about intense pain in her stomach. I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction with your hospital's service and your hospital staff,which I experience.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative trend?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

The practice of illegally hunting wild animals continues to cause concern in many countries, particularly developing countries. What are the causes of such hunting? What are the effects on the animals, and on the wider human society in these countries and beyond?

Some are of the opinion that people are naturally born as good leaders while others feel that leadership skills can be learned. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that all students should study history as a major subject, while others feels that other subjects are important for children in today's society. Discuss both sides and give your opinion .