Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
he
majority of governments force male youngsters to serve in the military following high school education. Some people believe Correct your spelling
The
this
should be implemented globally, with the addition of females. Although
serving in the army provides the population with benefits such
as the satisfaction of serving for
the Change preposition
apply
country
and improved health, making it compulsory may deter youngsters from showing interest.
Serving in the military has the main advantage of improved fitness and a feeling of belonging to one's country
. For example
, when men fight to protect their country
, they will experience immense power and responsibility, hence
they continue to work harder to be part of history. Additionally
, regular physical training, a strict diet and scheduled sleep patterns promote good health. Making young people serve in the army therefore
improves community spirit and the health of the population.
On the other hand
, when something is made compulsory and forced, people naturally sway away from showing interest and begin to analyse the disadvantages. As a result
, not everyone will dedicate themselves fully to serving. They may become distracted during training and concentrate on escaping. Moreover
, if everyone joins the military following high school, countries will begin to lack progress in other fields such
as science, business and fashion. Therefore
, I believe youngsters should be approached and only asked to join if they wish, it is also
wise to extend this
choice to females.
To conclude
, serving for
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apply
country
is a respectful and rewarding career. It is my opinion that if it remains a choice for the public to join the army, there will be more members who are committed and dedicated.Submitted by Mangalakumaran.sangeetha on
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coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, ensuring smooth transitions between points can further improve coherence. For instance, linking sentences within paragraphs and between paragraphs more effectively can contribute to better flow of ideas.
task achievement
The arguments are relevant and cover both sides of the topic. To enhance task achievement, consider providing more varied and specific examples, as well as addressing potential counterarguments in more detail. This will demonstrate deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, which makes it easy to follow the writer's arguments. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
task achievement
The writer provides a balanced discussion, considering both the positive and negative aspects of compulsory military service. This comprehensive approach shows an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
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