There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Music

plays a crucial role in the life of a person, giving emotional support or encouraging good moments to remain in the future.

While

international

music

allow

Change the verb form

allows

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

us to

show examples

connect with other cultures, languages, and traditions, traditional

music

acknowledges the story behind each piece of art written by the artist who was inspired by a part of that country.

This

essay will examine why

music

is necessary and explore the importance of traditional and international

music

Music

is one of the art products that easily are available for people to consume and I consider that

currently

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currently,

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we have the

oportunity

Correct your spelling

opportunity

to inspect and connect with our emotions through those musical projects.

Additionally

, it is a means to express ideas about life, politics, experiences, and traditions, and a great way to meet people,

for example

, in concerts or musical events.

Furthermore

music

is used to share common ideas in many communities as chairs, cults

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

parties, etc.

According to

the importance between international and traditional

music

, I hold both are important

due to

whereas

international

music

collects all

kind

Fix the agreement mistake

kinds

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music

in the world and

Wrong verb form

listening

show examples

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

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realease

Correct your spelling

release

to know the

beggining

Correct your spelling

beginning

of some genres and the use of samples in a mix of another recent genre.

However

, traditional

music

support

Change the verb form

supports

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the origin of the culture,

such

as in Colombia there are many songs of Vallenato that tell stories of people or events important to

this

genre.

To conclude

music

brings beautiful moments in the past and gives emotional memories.

Although

international

music

offers a universal language that unites the world, traditional

music

holds irreplaceable value in preserving

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unique cultural identities.

Submitted by mariajoser3 on Fri Sep 06 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve your essay, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. For instance, you can separate the benefits of international music and traditional music into different paragraphs for more clarity.

task response

While your essay very closely addresses the task, try to use more specific examples and evidence to support your points about the importance of music and its various forms.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow and structuring of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will help in making your essay more coherent and easier to follow.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a nice structure to your essay.

task response

You have responded well to both parts of the task by explaining why we need music and comparing traditional and international music.

task response

The ideas presented are clear and relevant to the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

emotional release
cultural significance
globalization
cultural exchange
technology
preservation
cultural heritage
social cohesion
expression
consumption
production
traditional music
international music
diversity
identity

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Fully explain your ideas

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some people say government should provide transportation for children who go to school, but some say that it is the responsibilities of parents? discuss both views and give your own views.

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Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic. What are the Advantages and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

21. In many parts of the world, more and more large supermarkets are opening and smaller local shops are closing down. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages for local people?