IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job but others think they should be realistic and think more about their future? Discuss both of view and give your opinion?

#people #job #future
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The question of whether
young
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the young
a young
show examples
 community should have the
freedom
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 to choose their own position or consider their future is a topic that attracts diverse opinions.
While
Linking Words
 some argue for the importance of pursuing one's passions, others emphasize the need for practicality and long-term considerations.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both viewpoints and present a balanced perspective. Supporters of young people's
freedom
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 to choose their own jobs believe that following one's passion is essential for personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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 and
career
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 success. They argue that allowing individuals to pursue their interests can lead to greater motivation, creativity, and job satisfaction. By encouraging young people to explore their passions, society benefits from a diverse workforce
that is
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 driven by genuine enthusiasm.
Moreover
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, individuals who are passionate about their work are more likely to excel and make meaningful contributions to their chosen field. Opponents of complete
freedom
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 in
career
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 choices argue that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 community should consider practical aspects
such
Linking Words
 as job prospects, financial stability, and long-term growth opportunities. They emphasize the need for a pragmatic approach that aligns personal aspirations with the realities of the professional world. By considering the demands of the
career
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 market and acquiring in-demand skills, young human being can increase their chances of finding stable employment and securing their future. In conclusion, striking a balance between
freedom
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 and realism is crucial when it comes to
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 population's
career
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 choices.
While
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 passion and personal fulfilment are important, it is equally vital to consider practical aspects to ensure long-term success and stability. Encouraging young individuals to explore their passions
while
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 providing them with guidance and information will enable them to make informed decisions that align with their interests and the demands of the job market.
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task achievement
Despite the well-structured arguments presented, the essay could benefit from concrete examples to illustrate the points made, thereby enhancing the relevance and supporting the main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more naturally.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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