IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Space travel to the Moon is often cited as one giant leap for mankind. Yet some people argue that this achievement made little difference to our daily lives. What is your opinion?

#space #travel #moon #giant #leap #mankind #people #achievement #difference #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely accepted that setting foot on the moon is one of mankind's greatest achievements. Continued technological breakthroughs, human spirit and perseverance all had to come together to make
this
 feat possible.
However
, many people believe that
space
 exploration is a waste of taxpayer's money.
This
 essay will explore both sides of the argument to reach an effective conclusion.
Firstly
, a strong argument can be made that
space
 travel has many untold benefits.
For example
, by establishing a base on the moon, widescale research can be carried out on the effects of reduced gravity on human physiology.
Additionally
,
further
 investigations on how crops could be grown, and how clean water can be produced in
space
 can be carried out. All
this
 research could one day lead to human beings becoming a multi-planetary civilisation.
Conversely
, a compelling case can be made that before looking to the stars, we should first solve the numerous pressing issues on Earth first. These include renewable energy production, poverty, and global warming. Government funding should be aimed at combating these
problems
 first before continued investment in
space
 travel. As is the case with most challenges, I believe a more balanced approach is the better option. Money should be allocated for tackling the
problems
 mentioned above
while
 research into
space
 exploration should simultaneously continue.
Furthermore
, countries around the world can ensure that sufficient spending is put aside so that both issues are addressed.
To sum up
, I am of the opinion that continued
space
 exploration is important for the future of mankind.
However
, it should not take precedence over the many
problems
 facing Earth currently. I advocate for a more balanced approach where both
problems
 can one day be solved.
Submitted by naveengeorge95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have presented a fairly balanced view on the topic and addressed both sides of the argument. However, try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. Specific, real-world examples could strengthen your essay significantly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, and the main points are well-organized. Make sure that all paragraphs are fully developed with supporting arguments and examples. Transitions between the paragraphs could be a bit smoother as well.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets up the essay well, giving a clear idea of what to expect in the following paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The essay ends with a thoughtful conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points while providing your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: