Some believe that we should invent a new language for intrnational communication.Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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There are different opinions on the issue of making a new
language
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for international communication. Some
people
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including me think that inventing new
languages
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can develop communication between nations,
whereas
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others argue that traditional
languages
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will be damaged if we make an international
language
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.
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Although
Correct word choice
However

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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, my personal proposal toward
this
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is that the benefits of using new
language
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outweigh its shortcomings. The main advantage of applying a shared
language
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which is regarded as an international
language
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is that
people
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can communicate better than past. Many
people
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in the
world
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are trying to connect with other individuals in the
world
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, as not only can they make new friends , they
also
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can learn new scientific subjects.
For instance
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, English
language
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is an international
language
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in which every person can make new relationships on many social media
such
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as Instagram and WhatsApp, since, they can share their problems and get new solutions to solve their issues.
In addition
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, societies can
use
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a vast size of new teaching courses for their schools to enhance their teaching methods by a shared
language
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between nations, so if the governments make a decision to
use
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an innovative way to communicate together, the majority of the
world
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's population will gain positive influences.
On the other hand
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, inventing formal
languages
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between societies can be
concern
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a concern

The noun phrase concern seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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for many critics, since they believe that
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

language
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will destroy their mother tongue. Many younger
people
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would like to
use
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modern words as they may be ashamed to speak their native
languages
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.
For example
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, In many countries like Japan, the government have regulated strict rules for using native words
instead
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of international
languages
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like English, each individual who applies ancient words , has to pay money as a punishment, the society can support their
language
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.
Furthermore
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, If
people
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use
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international
language
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, they will not connect with their ancestors. In conclusion, applying new
languages
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to communicate with
people
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together in many different parts of the
world
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,
however
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, can be harmful for keeping traditional
languages
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, but, it can have many positive impacts rather than its disadvantages.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that all main points are directly related to the topic of inventing a new international language, as the essay sometimes deviates slightly towards existing languages like English.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on achieving a more consistent flow between paragraphs and ideas. Transition words can be used more effectively to link ideas smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify the distinction between the proposed new language and existing international languages, like English, to avoid confusion and enhance the argument.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly identifies and addresses both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, fulfilling the task requirements well.
Task Achievement
Good use of an example to illustrate the practical effects of a shared language, such as improving communication on social media platforms.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly presenting the writer's stance and summarizing the key points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • international communication
  • cultural richness
  • linguistic heritage
  • cognitive benefits
  • global collaboration
  • efficiency
  • educational resources
  • cultural homogenization
  • multilingualism
  • resistance to change
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