IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days the internet is easily accessible to children. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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It has been the public's attention that the
internet
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 has become easier to access for
children
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, whether or not it is a good thing or bad thing for development. In my opinion, I strongly think having
an
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easy access to the
internet
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 will have a negative impact on
children
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's lives
To begin
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 with,
children
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 born in Generation Z are more dominant in using the
internet
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more
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than adults.
However
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, it is obvious that nowadays
children
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 cannot live without the
Internet
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.
This
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 factor influences their academic performance, personal habits, and health.
First,
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their academic performance will decline if they learn but seek answers from the
internet
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 or
being
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are
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 lazy as they have many distractions by accessing online games.
Also
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, it ruins their daily routines,
such
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 as doing exercises and studying time.
On the other hand
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, accessing the
internet
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 has positive impacts,
such
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 as getting used to technology which will benefit their lives.
Children
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 will be able to learn and do tasks digitally, improving their capabilities for future work. When they have easy access to the
internet
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, they usually get filled throughout the day by scrolling through social media, playing video games, and entertainment, which might help them release stress
due to
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 overload in their study. Taking everything into consideration,
although
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 there are some positive lights in accessing the
internet
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, I still believe that it brings negative outcomes as
children
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 can not control it, and they will end up ruining their lives by having poor performance in academic, possessing bad personal habits, and unhealthy
livestyle
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lifestyles
.

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coherence and cohesion
Use clearer thesis statements and topic sentences to guide your reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your main points, which can enhance your argument's persuasiveness and clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and punctuation errors to improve overall clarity, particularly in complex sentences.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear perspective on the topic and provide a balanced view, considering both positive and negative aspects of internet access for children.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing has an identifiable structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion which aids understanding.
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