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Band 5.5

Many people believe that it is easier to lead a healthy lifestyle (in the countryside). Others believe that there are (health benefits to living in cities). Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #lifestyle #countryside #health #cities
Nowadays, people who live in
cities
 are struggling to ensure a healthy
lifestyle
 and others oppose
this
 notion. Personally, I believe that a healthy
lifestyle
 could be found in the countryside.
This
 essay will delve into both views and,
subsequently
 will explore my own perspective in turn. To commence with, the people approve that a good
quality
 of
life
 is easier to find in rural areas. They agree that individuals who live in urban areas
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 are very likely to lose their
health
 from a fast-paced
lifestyle
.
For instance
, population, traffic, and stress from long hours of working at offices, are the main reasons for poor
quality
 of
life
.
However
, the natural atmosphere in rural villages is a great choice
to gain
Change preposition
for gaining
show examples
 a healthier
routin
Correct your spelling
routine
.
Moreover
, eating fresh food and living surrounding the natural environment
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
better than living in
cities
.
On the other hand
, others obvious that
health
 benefits can be gained from urban
cities
. To be more clear, sports gyms and cultural activities are higher than in rural villages.
In addition
, the biggest hospitals and
health
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
 in
cities
. So, the opportunities for easier
health
 benefits are much
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
 areas. Turning to my opinion, I totally trust that the rural area provides a healthy
quality
lifestyle
 from a natural environment. We can get a slow-paced
life
 and a very less stressful in a natural place.
Finally
, everyone should know about which place he prefers to live in and get a healthy
quality
life
 either countryside or an urban area.
Submitted by rajaa.albriki on

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task achievement
Expand and deepen your discussion on the benefits of city living with more specific examples and concrete ideas. This will help in providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Organize your points better within paragraphs. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensure that all sentences within it are related to that main idea.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and establishes both sides of the argument, which is a good start.
coherence cohesion
You provide a conclusion that not only summarizes the main points but also offers a personal opinion, which contributes positively to coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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