IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary scjool types between 2000 and 2009.

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary scjool types between 2000 and 2009.
#proportions #pupils #four #scjool
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table represents the percentages of students attending four types of secondary
schools
 between 2000 and 2009.
Overall
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all four secondary school type's
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 went differently.
However
, in the
last
 2009
years
, the highest
percentage
 had community
schools
 with 58%,
while
 the lowest
percentage
 had specialist
schools
 with 10%. Between 2000-2009, community school's
percentage
 grew up significantly from 12% to 58%.
In contrast
, the smallest proportion out of 100% is specialist
schools
. During these nine
years
, the number fell reducing from 12% to 10%. Based on the evidence,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 at the same place at
first,
but after 9
years
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 steeply modified. The other countries saw a slight decrease in attendance, compared to the greatest
percentage
. In 2000, Grammar
Schools
 had 24% attendance,
regrettably
Add a comma
regrettably,
show examples
 it dropped to 12%, which is the second lowest result.
However
, Voluntary-controlled
schools
 had a better outcome compared to Grammar
Schools
. Throughout nine
years
, from 52% which was the highest number at that time, declined to 20%, the second highest proportion.
Submitted by amirkhanovaak on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words schools, years, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: