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Band 5.5

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary scjool types between 2000 and 2009.

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary scjool types between 2000 and 2009.
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The table represents the percentages of students attending four types of secondary
schools
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 between 2000 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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all four secondary school type's
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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 went differently.
However
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
 2009
years
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, the highest
percentage
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 had community
schools
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 with 58%,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
percentage
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 had specialist
schools
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 with 10%. Between 2000-2009, community school's
percentage
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 grew up significantly from 12% to 58%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the smallest proportion out of 100% is specialist
schools
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. During these nine
years
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, the number fell reducing from 12% to 10%. Based on the evidence,
the
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apply
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both
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
school
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schools
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 at the same place at
first,
Linking Words
but after 9
years
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 steeply modified. The other countries saw a slight decrease in attendance, compared to the greatest
percentage
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. In 2000, Grammar
Schools
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 had 24% attendance,
regrettably
Add a comma
regrettably,
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 it dropped to 12%, which is the second lowest result.
However
Linking Words
, Voluntary-controlled
schools
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 had a better outcome compared to Grammar
Schools
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. Throughout nine
years
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, from 52% which was the highest number at that time, declined to 20%, the second highest proportion.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words schools, years, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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