Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
argument whether
people
are
triumphal
Replace the word
triumphant
show examples
or not by
gained
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
money
. Though
money
is not always a Source of peaceful lives, I firmly agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
money
can bring happiness
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
of some positive perspectives.
To begin
with, most of
trouble
Add an article
the trouble
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is faced by
people
directly or indirectly engaged with their financial condition. To clarify, if someone established enough, they can smoothly find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a resolution whenever meet up
any
Change preposition
with any
show examples
distractor.
Besides
, by the blessings of being rich
people
are able to touch their dreams
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
they are trying to achieve.
For example
, if Someone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a goal to go to Burj
kalifa
Correct your spelling
khalifa
Kalifa
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality time, it can be implemented by the rich amount of earnings.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
people
who have specific
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
of earning can lead their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
happily with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
as they less interact with serious economic
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
want to do something for Social development, it can be possible to have well financial condition. To elaborate, most of the Social work
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
made fruitful by the participation of the rich
people
.
For instance
, In the period of flood, wealthy
people
are comes
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
with
heart
Add an article
a heart
the heart
show examples
to donate
among
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
people
who are financially destroyed.
Secondly
,
people
feel less
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
when they do not have any concern about
uncertainity
Correct your spelling
uncertainty
. Because of having
financially
Change the word
financial
show examples
strong
people
tend to have less mental pressure
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
gain more
money
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
. In conclusion, though it
is hardly seems
Change the verb form
hardly seems
show examples
to be unhappy with well earning, in certain
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
there are most who are
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
in life
due to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
more
money
.
Submitted by shifaakther555 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay touches on some important points, but the arguments could be more clearly expressed and logically structured. Try to develop each point more fully, and make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction and conclusion clearly frame the argument. The introduction should set up the points you will discuss, and the conclusion should restate your main argument and summarize the key points.
task achievement
Your essay provides some relevant examples, but they could be more specific and detailed. Try to offer real-life or well-known examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address the prompt fully and brings up some strong arguments in favor of the idea that money can lead to happiness and success.
coherence cohesion
You included an introduction and conclusion, and attempted to provide supporting points throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • fulfillment
  • personal happiness
  • contributions to society
  • volunteering
  • activism
  • personal achievements
  • academic accomplishments
  • mastering a skill
  • indicators of success
  • independent of monetary wealth
  • financial stability
  • monetary wealth
  • emotional well-being
  • societal impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!