IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to the cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside
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In many nations around the globe, rural residents of the countryside are transferring to the big
cities
. The population density of
this
 area is falling. In my opinion,
this
 trend is more negative and it brings many side effects for the
government
. First of all, it is better to think about the reasons and
then
 question ourselves why rural
people
 are moving to crowded
cities
. The major reason is job opportunities. Nowadays, all
people
 need to get high salaries to give a good response to routine demands for their lives. So, in many countrysides
due to
 the low cost of living and domestic jobs like farming and other similar occupations, the
government
 sets a definite payment for these types of
people
 but in total,
this
 money is not enough for them.
Secondly
, with many facilities like advanced health care systems, a variety of recreational places, advanced education places, and
also
 different available transportation,
people
 will be more encouraged to go to the
cities
.
Although
this
 action may be the best strategy to get rid of some main
problems
 in their first steps, many
cities
 will face new
problems
 that involve their lives.
According to
 the previous paragraph, many residents in
cities
 have
problems
 commuting to their workplaces and usually, they get stuck in traffic during rush hours.
Following
this
, traffic congestion and population growth cause much pollution
such
 as air contamination, water pollution, noise pollution, and other types of contamination that are close to
people
’s lives.
However
, there are many
problems
 for individuals, but the
government
 should set some rules to prevent rural
people
 from moving to
cities
 by providing and improving good infrastructure for them. In conclusion, these days many countries in the world, rural
people
 are going to city zones. Regarding
this
, the rate of population is going to decrease in the countryside.
Thus
, I think the
government
 and organizations should make efficient plans to prepare good conditions for those
people
 to lower the percentage of moving
people
 to big
cities
.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task and addresses the key points; however, incorporating more specific examples could strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly from one to the next. Consider using more transition words to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Keep an eye on sentence structure and grammar, especially with singular and plural forms (e.g., "countrysides" should be "countryside").
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The reasons behind rural-to-urban migration were well-explained, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic opportunities
  • career prospects
  • quality of life
  • cultural exchange
  • economic stagnation
  • urban overcrowding
  • infrastructure
  • environmental degradation
  • pollution
  • natural habitats
  • migration
  • superior education and healthcare services
  • diverse and vibrant cultural landscape
  • local services
  • urban slums
  • pressure on infrastructure
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