IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

#people #factors #child’s #development #television #friends #music
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Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
Correct article usage
a
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Change noun form
child
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child
’s
development
 is the most significant thing that researchers search about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and there are people who think that the main factors
influence
Correct pronoun usage
that influence
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 on
Child
's
development
 media
such
 as s are going with
there Freinds
Correct your spelling
their friends
show examples
 and music,
whereas
others
Add a verb
others are
others were
show examples
 more
essental
Correct your spelling
essential
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that staying with Family more essential. As we can see nowadays
children
 are more
interesting
Replace the word
interested
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 in watching TV and
setting
Correct your spelling
sitting
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 on their iPads for
long
Change the article
a long
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 time chatting with friends. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
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 for watching TV there are several advantages, so it depends if there parents watch
theme
Fix the agreement mistake
themes
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 all the time and they
sure
Add a missing verb
are sure
show examples
 that their
children
 watching something they benefit from it .
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
child
development
 can increase
by contacting
Change preposition
through contact
show examples
 with other
children
 so they can play and
useful
Add a missing verb
be useful
show examples
from
Change preposition
to
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 them . The
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 role here
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 important
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 give
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
children
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 out with their friends
this
 will affect
on
Change preposition
apply
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their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
development
.
Also
, setting with family
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 effective for
child
development
 , what
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 mean
they
Add a missing verb
is they
show examples
 can give more connections with family and become
interest
Change the verb form
interested
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
theme
Add an article
the theme
a theme
show examples
 . They may
accure
Correct your spelling
acquire
accrue
 some knowledge and life experience.
To sum up
 , there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of factors
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 affect on
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
development
 whether
Setting
Verb problem
Sitting
show examples
 with family or watching TV and other factors.
Submitted by bushra.2001.mb on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay is well-organized and each paragraph has a clear main idea. For example, you can start by clearly stating the two viewpoints in the introduction to set up your discussion.
task achievement
Work on expanding your main points with relevant specific examples. For instance, when discussing the role of TV, you might mention educational programs that can benefit children’s development.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical errors and sentence structures to make your ideas clearer. For instance, avoid run-on sentences and ensure subjects and verbs agree.
task achievement
It's good that you discussed both viewpoints related to child's development and provided a conclusion, which shows your engagement with the question.
task achievement
You have some complex ideas which indicate your ability to tackle a sophisticated topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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