IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some believes that professional, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#doctors #engineers #work #country
It has been argued by
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
, that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professionals
for instance
, doctors and engineers should serve
their
Change the word
the
show examples
country
 where they have learned their practices.
While other
Correct word choice
Other
show examples
 quotes, that it is completely their choice if they want to perform their skills in other
countries
. In the below context, I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides and present my view. On the one hand, it is said that doctors and engineers should work in their own
country
 where they did their training. The reason behind
this
 thinking is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have used the resources of the
country
 and it is a way to
payback
Correct your spelling
pay back
show examples
. There are few
people
 who took their degrees from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government colleges and universities,
for instance
.
Thus
, if they will render their services in their own
country
, not only it does affirm their
repaymeny
Correct your spelling
repayment
 to the
country
, but
also
 it will help in the
country
's upliftment.
Also
, they are more familiar with their
country
's structure and they will perform better than others.
On the contrary
, if white-collar
people
 want to work in other
countries
, it is their personal choice and they have freedom of movement. They can attain more experience and help their families and
country
 financially.
For example
, there is a currency difference in some
countries
. Let's say
people
 do their studies in India and go to
countries
 like Canada and Australia, they will earn more and diversify themselves
while
 working with
people
 from different
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
.
This
 will benefit them and their home
countries
 economically. Taking everything into account, I would say both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides have it's pros and cons but the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
People
 who choose to serve in different
countries
 than their home
countries
 can benefit themselves and other
countries
 in enormous ways.
Thus
, they should be independent to do their jobs
where ever
Correct your spelling
wherever
show examples
 they want to.
Submitted by kiranbirkaur003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For instance, mentioning statistics or reports about brain drain or the economic impact of professionals working abroad would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly detract from clarity. For instance, 'For example, there is a currency difference in some countries' could be more smoothly phrased as 'For example, the currency exchange rates can be significantly different...' Consider reviewing your essay for such improvements.
task achievement
Your essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints. This shows a clear understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes the main points and clearly states your opinion, which is well-aligned with the task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • brain drain
  • expatriates
  • repay
  • enhanced
  • remittances
  • international cooperation
  • cultural diversity
  • global best practices
  • economic incentives
  • working conditions
  • political stability
  • human right
  • freedom of movement
  • investment in education
  • skill shortage
  • career growth
  • push and pull factors
  • migration
  • global health crises
What to do next:
Look at other essays: