IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some countries encourage foreign companies to open a branch office in their country. Many people think that the government should focus on encouraging local businesses to expand rather than inviting foreign businesses to open branches. To what extent do you agree?

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It is believed by many that foreign
companies
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 should be encouraged in some countries,
while
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 others claim that regional
companies
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 need to pay attention to improvements by the government rather than the development of foreign
businesses
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. I completely agree with
this
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 opinion, and I think that encouraging local
businesses
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 is much more advantageous than opening some foreign business centres. Despite the fact that the increasing openness of foreign
companies
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 has become more common among countries, encouraging local
companies
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 is preferable.
This
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 is because the encouragement of regional
companies
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 has some beneficial options for the country and its population. First of all, nowadays, being unemployed is more and more common among the majority of individuals in the world. If local
businesses
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 develop and the government gives opportunities to improve local
businesses
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, joblessness can be reduced.
Moreover
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, plenty of local people will be provided with a new occupation.
For example
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, if one company is open, millions of individuals can be employed.
In addition
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, it will prevent folk from going to other countries for the purpose of working.
Secondly
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, improvements in both the national and local economies and local infrastructure are boosted. The profits of the national
companies
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 contribute to increasing the country’s finances.
For instance
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, nationally manufactured products can be exported around the world.
Furthermore
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, certain changes happen in the local community, and their lives are improved. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that some people consider that foreign
businesses
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 should be opened, from my perspective, encouraging regional
companies
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 is more useful for reducing unemployment and improving the economy.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly. For instance, you could mention particular countries or companies that have benefited from government support, or provide data on employment rates influenced by local business development.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have smooth transitions between paragraphs and within ideas. For example,
task achievement
Ensure all points discussed are well-rounded and thoroughly explored. This means not just stating an idea, but analyzing it and considering potential counterarguments or limitations to your proposal.
task achievement
The essay articulates a clear position on the topic and maintains it throughout, which is commendable. Your agreement is expressed unambiguously, and the introduction sets the stage well while the conclusion reinforces your stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
Good logical structure overall: the essay progresses in a manner that is easy to follow, with each paragraph addressing distinct points in support of the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. The introduction clearly presents the issue and your stance, while the conclusion succinctly sums up your argument, making your position unmistakably clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Foreign Investment
  • Economic Growth
  • Technology Transfer
  • Job Creation
  • Local Enterprises
  • Domestic Market
  • Incentives
  • Homegrown Talent
  • Globalization
  • Self-sufficient Economy
  • Cultural Influence
  • Transnational Corporations
  • Local Businesses
  • Economic Policies
  • Long-term Stability
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