IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the government should strictly control the supply of fresh water, as it is a limited resource, while others it should not be regulated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Due to
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 the rapid development, the supply of freshwater is almost out of resource. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the authority should regulate and restrict the supply,
conversely
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, some others think it should be no limitation.
This
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 essay will discuss my perspective and related reasons.
Firstly
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, if we consider the long-term future, it is necessary for governments to limit the usage of
water
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.
According to
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 accounts, it is more frequent droughts and climate disasters these days.
Additionally
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, overpopulation leads to a more serious situation, when it comes to summer the demand for
water
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 will dramatically increase and
thus
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 the inadequacy of supply.
Therefore
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, if governments can control the supply, it could directly mitigate the deficiency of drinking
water
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.
For instance
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, the authority can regulate the amount of usage in each industry, especially the factories, which normally stand an enormous proportion of
water
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.
On the other hand
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, if we think about social aspects, the regulation will be an inequality of citizens' rights.
People
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 paid taxes and bills to require a steady supply of
water
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, and some companies even paid more for the excess usage.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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 in rural places might be unbearable to the
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
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, it is not as convenient for them to get fresh
water
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 as
people
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 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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 in cities. To illustrate, the crowd can buy a bottle of
water
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 in any convenience store, which is too ubiquitous in the urban,
whereas
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, there is even a lack of stores in the countryside.
To conclude
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, it is an inevitable consequence that humans only concentrate on pursuing a better development of a country
instead
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 of considering our ecosystems.
Although
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 the regulation might be unfair to some communities, we should take action to cease and prevent our world from
being
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 worse.

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task achievement
Strengthen your main points with more detailed examples and clearer explanations. Instead of general statements, clarify how governmental regulation of water supply practically mitigates the deficiency. For instance, provide specific policies or case studies that have been successful.
coherence cohesion
Work on punctuations and sentence structures to make ideas clearer and to avoid ambiguity. For example, slightly restructuring sentences can enhance readability: "Due to rapid development, the supply of freshwater is becoming scarce."
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic, setting up the debate between the government’s control of water supply and the opposing view.
supported main points
Your essay effectively articulates both perspectives and provides a balanced discussion.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and states your opinion in a convincing manner.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • limited resource
  • manage responsibly
  • shortages
  • environmental impact
  • over-extraction
  • wastage
  • quotas
  • pricing structures
  • efficient use
  • bureaucratic red tape
  • market mechanisms
  • competition, innovation, and investment
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