The amount of sport shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sports events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages?
There is no doubt that the number of
sport
on television has increased than before. I think that it has Fix the agreement mistake
sports
really
enormous impact, but Correct article usage
a really
also
there are benefits and disadvantages
to this
, for me, I think it is really bad to have more sports
programs
. In this
essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages
of this
problem.
First,
Having more than one
sport in
Change preposition
at
one
time
is actually terrible because it shows that they want money not
Add the comma(s)
, not
the
quality, the audience can not focus on 2 living Correct article usage
apply
sports
, maybe someone likes football and basketball and he want
to watch both Change the verb form
wants
sports
in one
time
but he can't because it is in the same time
, also
, with time
we will see more sports
programs
it is really bad the leaders of sports
programs
need to find a solution.
Furthermore
, the only benefit is money and it goes to the officials, but maybe there is
some people who Change the verb form
are
likes
to watch everything Change the verb form
like
in
Change preposition
at
one
time
so they will like the idea of it, but they are not many so we can not do what they want. In addition
, the more sports
programs
the more people will lose the motivate
to watch more, the officials do not know the Replace the word
motivation
disadvantages
of this
, in
the future the Correct word choice
and in
sports
will lose it's
popularity because of Replace the word
its
this
.
In conclusion, in my point of view, the sports
programs
has
really increased more than ever, but Change the verb form
have
this
increase has it is
Change the verb form
is disadvantaged
disadvantages
. In my opinion, I really agree with decreasing sports
programs
to enjoy it more.Submitted by bcynfn159 on
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General
Introduce and conclude your essay clearly, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. While you have an introduction and conclusion, they could be more defined. Consider summarizing the advantages and disadvantages more clearly in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Try to balance your arguments by offering more specific examples and detailed explanations of your points. You mention that having more sports programs only benefits officials financially and that it could lead to a decrease in viewership, but these points need more evidence or specific examples to support them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that all of your ideas are tied together logically. Some points in your essay appear disjointed. For example, you argue that viewers can't focus on more than one sport at the same time, but you don't clearly explain why this is a significant disadvantage overall. Try to elaborate on why it is problematic with specific examples or evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on the logical structure of your arguments. Use clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to connect your thoughts in a more organized manner. For example, instead of jumping from one point to another, use transition words or phrases that guide the reader through your argument seamlessly.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas to make them more comprehensive. For example, when you discuss the potential loss of popularity for sports due to increased programming, consider providing statistics, studies, or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your point more effectively.
General
You have made a clear attempt to structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is important for coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of increased televised sports, indicating that you understand the complexity of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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