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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people today have argued that countires should interfere less in the affairs of other nations. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countires #affairs #nations
Today is known as the era of interventionism. From
this
 aspect, concerns about whether
countries
 should intervene less
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
affairs
 of other nations
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 raised. In my opinion, I believe
this
 phenomenon is desirable to some extent. Evidently, the principle of sovereignty should be observed.
This
 is because, if
countries
 meddle with conventions they are relatively unfamiliar with, relationships between nations could be deteriorated.
This
 obviously leads to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
poor diplomatic relations and
this
 in turn results in negative impacts on the country. What is more,
although
intefereing
Correct your spelling
interfering
interesting
affairs
 of other
countries
allows
Change the verb form
allow
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 a wider range of viewpoints,
this
 might cause negligence toward domestic
affairs
. In actual fact, studies undertaken by experts have revealed that those laying
an excessive amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
excessive amounts
an excessive amount
show examples
 of focus on foreign issues are likely to overlook their own country's problems. To recapitulate, meddling with the
affairs
 of other nations could deteriorate the diplomatic relations between
countries
, and would trigger the opportunity of overlooking domestic issues.
Thus
countries
 need to intervene less in the
affairs
 of other
countries
.
Submitted by leeante3020 on

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task achievement
A more comprehensive exploration of the topic could strengthen the essay. Consider providing a specific example of a situation where meddling in foreign affairs led to negative consequences, and another where it benefited a country.
task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are equally developed. The argument about overlooking domestic issues due to excessive focus on foreign issues could be elaborated further.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases more effectively to create a smoother flow between paragraphs and within ideas. This will help improve the essay's logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Consider reorganizing sentences to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. For example, merging sentences that convey similar ideas can create a more cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, fulfilling the basic structural requirements for a well-organized essay.
task achievement
The main ideas are clear and relevant to the topic, showing a good understanding of the issue at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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