Many countries thought that children have to do homework in their free time while others say children should do more outdoor activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Around the world, there is a controversial debate over children's free time.
While
some people believe that kids should spent
their free time Change the verb form
spend
by
studying more, I side with the ones who prefer to allow their sons and daughters to stay outside. Change preposition
apply
This
essay will shed light on both opinions and explain why outdoor activities
are a better option based on two crucial aspects of youngsters's life
: health and creativity.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
To begin
with, children's body
should be stimulated. Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
Practicing
sports is as fundamental as reading and writing. Change the spelling
Practising
For example
, the famous Montessori pedagogical methodology included several sessions of physical exercise. Maria Montessori was an experimental Italian educator that
observed how running in a park or being engaged in an exercise in a garden made kids not only happierCorrect pronoun usage
who
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
healthier. That's why underestimating the positive impact of these activities
could be even counterproductive for the
education itself.
The second reason is the creativity. Correct article usage
apply
This
is a skill that needs to be stimulated since the early years of human's
Change noun form
human
life
. The activities
that trigger imagination are within playful frameworks such
as outdoor games. In these conditions, kids have the opportunity to play different roles, solve problems, and use their intuition. These are abilities that are important also
in the adult's life
.
In conclusion, although
many believe that a better education is driven by exercises
at home, Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
the
outdoor Correct article usage
apply
activities
should never be forgotten. Practicing sports and playing games should be part of kid's life
,
because they improve kid's bodies and increase their creativity.Remove the comma
apply
Submitted by ___kkkoo___ on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
You've done a great job presenting a balanced perspective in your introduction, but it would be even more effective if you slightly elaborated on the opposing view before siding with your viewpoint. This would make your essay appear more balanced.
task response
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you stated that outdoor activities boost creativity, but providing a concise anecdote or study would strengthen your argument further.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are organized logically, and there's a clear structure. However, improving transitions between paragraphs could further enhance the flow. For example, you might start the second paragraph with, 'One compelling reason for this is health benefits, especially...,' which would make the structure even clearer.
coherence and cohesion
While your points are coherent, connecting phrases and transitional words could be used more frequently to enhance the cohesion of your essay, such as 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'Furthermore.'
task response
You introduced your topic clearly and provided a strong thesis statement that outlines the two main aspects your essay will discuss: health and creativity.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, which brings a sense of closure to the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with each paragraph discussing a distinct point relevant to your thesis.
task response
You used a relevant example about the Montessori method to support your point about the importance of physical activity, which adds credibility to your argument.