Some people believe that individuals cannot improve the environment, but only governments and big companies can make a difference

#people #individuals #environment #governments #companies #difference

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Some people feel that only the governments and multinational companies could make the development of the

environment

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

individuals

Use synonyms

could not give the difference about that. I personally do not entirely accept

this

Linking Words

and will explain why in

this

Linking Words

essay. On the one hand, I believe that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

governments and multinational companies can be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

decision

maker

Fix the agreement mistake

makers

show examples

for making

Correct article usage

the evironmeny

show examples

evironmeny

Correct your spelling

environment

better.

Besides

Linking Words

, they have networking to make some projects about improving the

environment

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, they can build the building with eco-friendly

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

investor

Fix the agreement mistake

investors

show examples

from other countries.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, they have sophisticated

machine

Fix the agreement mistake

machines

show examples

for cleaning the river.

Hence

Linking Words

, they have some projects that can be beneficial for the

environment

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, I believe

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

individuals

Use synonyms

have to make

first

Correct article usage

the first

show examples

moving

Wrong verb form

move

show examples

to make a difference.

For example

Linking Words

Correct article usage

the Pandawara

show examples

Pandawara

Correct your spelling

Pandora

group begins

from

Change preposition

with

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

one person

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

clean

Change the verb form

cleans

show examples

the river using

simple

Add an article

a simple

show examples

tool

Fix the agreement mistake

tools

show examples

and

traditional

Replace the word

traditions

show examples

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

movement

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

other people join

this

Linking Words

trend by cleaning

river

Fix the agreement mistake

rivers

show examples

near their

house

Fix the agreement mistake

houses

show examples

. It can be seen that the influence

from

Change preposition

show examples

social media is highly recommended.

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

trend become gathering activist to improve their

environment

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

, the

individuals

Use synonyms

can be a solid group that can create

tha

Correct your spelling

the

transformation for

Use synonyms

environment

Add an article

the environment

show examples

To sum up

Linking Words

, I feel that

individuals

Use synonyms

can be a community that

Add a missing verb

is concern

show examples

concern

Replace the word

concerned

show examples

about the

environment

Use synonyms

and create some

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

for enhancing

Change preposition

to enhance

show examples

the

environment

Use synonyms

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sat Sep 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, your ideas must be more clearly and logically organized for better coherence. Consider using more transitional phrases to improve the flow of your arguments.

task achievement

Ensure all your main points are well-supported and elaborated upon. Adding more specific examples and further explanation can strengthen your argument. For instance, you can elaborate more on how the Pandawara group's actions influenced others and the overall community.

coherence cohesion

There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could be improved. For instance, 'evironmeny' should be 'environment', and 'can be a decision maker for making evironmeny better' could be rephrased to 'can play a crucial role in improving the environment.'

structure

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument.

task achievement

You've provided a relevant example (Pandawara group) to support your point about individual actions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

220 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

sustainability
carbon footprint
renewable energy
conservation
corporate social responsibility
policy implementation
grassroots movement
environmental advocacy
legislation
systemic change
collective impact
green initiatives
pollution control
biodiversity
global warming

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Some people believe that individuals cannot improve the environment, but only governments and big companies can make a difference

Your opinion

In some cities of the world, cars are replacing bicycles. However in some other cities, bicycles are replacing cars. What are the reasons for these two developments? In your opinion, which one is better?

Some people think that children’s leisure activities should always be educational. Others think that it puts too much pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages.

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?