At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
The
ration
of the number of older people Correct your spelling
ratio
towads
Correct your spelling
towards
yonger
is Correct your spelling
younger
longer
plummiting
. Correct your spelling
plummeting
This
trend has lots of bad outcomes as it can affect on overall
global economy and amount
of produced Correct article usage
the amount
food
. First and foremost, economies of modern countries mostly depend on amount
of services their Add an article
the amount
peopel
can provide with. Correct your spelling
people
Yonger
generations are more keen on working Correct your spelling
Younger
in
productively in their working places as they have more life energy and time to accomplish tasks. As people get older their productivity lessens. As more productivity gets to Change preposition
apply
lower
point, more companies spend more money per amount of time to Correct article usage
a lower
acomplish
their working plan. By making each project more expensive to complete, Correct your spelling
accomplish
averge
salary will be lowered. After lowering Correct your spelling
average
average
income level the Correct article usage
the average
overall
economy will degenerate due to
fact
that people will be able to afford Correct article usage
the fact
less
products, services and various Change the quantifier
fewer
stuffs
. Fix the agreement mistake
stuff
Moreover
, by increase
in mediocre age Add an article
an increase
the increase
food
production will be the one affected mostly. Even in era
of Add an article
the era
an era
technologies
when nearly all jobs are improved with machines Fix the agreement mistake
technology
farmingf
and Correct your spelling
farming
food
production requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
having
physical preparation as it may be needed to apply some force during collecting harvest or carrying heavy Unnecessary verb
apply
prducts
. As more older workers are twisted with Correct your spelling
products
food
production service the less food
corporations provide humanity with. Which
can Correct pronoun usage
This
cause
Verb problem
have
tremendous
effect on Add an article
a tremendous
whole
population of our planet causing multiple Change the article
the whole
disease
related Change to a plural noun
diseases
with
small Change preposition
to
food
consumption rate. In conclusion increase in average
age among society in countries Correct article usage
the average
which is
Verb problem
that
contributing
big part of Wrong verb form
contribute
global
economy can cause multiple Add an article
the global
affects
which can cause Replace the word
effects
lowering
Correct your spelling
lower
overall
salries
and multiple Correct your spelling
salaries
health related
problems.Add a hyphen
health-related
Submitted by teymur.valikhan80 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction that outlines the main points that will be discussed. Your current introduction dives directly into arguments without setting the stage for the reader.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to reduce grammatical and spelling errors. Errors can distract the reader and obscure your meaning. For instance, 'ration', 'towads', 'yonger', 'peopel', and 'farmingf' should be 'ratio', 'toward', 'younger', 'people', and 'farming'.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific industries or scenarios where the presence of young adults has positively impacted productivity and the economy.
supported main points
You have raised relevant and meaningful points regarding the impact of age demographics on the economy and food production.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion ties back to your main argument, summarizing the points discussed in the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite