At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

The
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
show examples
of the number of older people
towads
Correct your spelling
towards
yonger
Correct your spelling
younger
longer
is
plummiting
Correct your spelling
plummeting
.
This
trend has lots of bad outcomes as it can affect on
overall
global economy and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
of produced
food
. First and foremost, economies of modern countries mostly depend on
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
of services their
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
can provide with.
Yonger
Correct your spelling
Younger
generations are more keen on working
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
productively in their working places as they have more life energy and time to accomplish tasks. As people get older their productivity lessens. As more productivity gets to
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
point, more companies spend more money per amount of time to
acomplish
Correct your spelling
accomplish
their working plan. By making each project more expensive to complete,
averge
Correct your spelling
average
salary will be lowered. After lowering
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
income level the
overall
economy will degenerate
due to
fact
Correct article usage
the fact
show examples
that people will be able to afford
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
products, services and various
stuffs
Fix the agreement mistake
stuff
show examples
.
Moreover
, by
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
in mediocre age
food
production will be the one affected mostly. Even in
era
Add an article
the era
an era
show examples
of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
when nearly all jobs are improved with machines
farmingf
Correct your spelling
farming
and
food
production
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
physical preparation as it may be needed to apply some force during collecting harvest or carrying heavy
prducts
Correct your spelling
products
. As more older workers are twisted with
food
production service the less
food
corporations provide humanity with.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
can
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
tremendous
Add an article
a tremendous
show examples
effect on
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
population of our planet causing multiple
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
small
food
consumption rate. In conclusion increase in
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
age among society in countries
which is
Verb problem
that
show examples
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
big part of
global
Add an article
the global
show examples
economy can cause multiple
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
which can cause
lowering
Correct your spelling
lower
show examples
overall
salries
Correct your spelling
salaries
and multiple
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
problems.
Submitted by teymur.valikhan80 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction that outlines the main points that will be discussed. Your current introduction dives directly into arguments without setting the stage for the reader.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to reduce grammatical and spelling errors. Errors can distract the reader and obscure your meaning. For instance, 'ration', 'towads', 'yonger', 'peopel', and 'farmingf' should be 'ratio', 'toward', 'younger', 'people', and 'farming'.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific industries or scenarios where the presence of young adults has positively impacted productivity and the economy.
supported main points
You have raised relevant and meaningful points regarding the impact of age demographics on the economy and food production.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion ties back to your main argument, summarizing the points discussed in the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: