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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018
#shops #country
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The line graph below illustrates the
amount
Use synonyms
 of new and old, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 opened and closed respectively, with the range 2011 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 which closures was
leader
Add an article
a leader
the leader
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every year, except
2011
Change preposition
in 2011
show examples
. The
Use synonyms
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of opening
shops
Use synonyms
 fell dramatically from 2011 to 2012 and started to increase until 2014, with 4000
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 other figure decreased slightly and it is
number
Use synonyms
 was
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
bigger than openings
shops
Use synonyms
 approximately for 2000
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
this
Linking Words
 index
fluctuaued
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
fluctuates
 from 2012 to 2014 with between 6000 and 7000
amount
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 and decreased dramatically until 2015 and had less than 1000
shops
Use synonyms
. Openings
shops
Use synonyms
 had
same
Change the article
a same
the same
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 in 2012 and in 2015, between
this
Linking Words
 year it fluctuated from
range
Correct article usage
a range
show examples
4000
Change preposition
of 4000
show examples
 and slightly more than 6000
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure did not
rose
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
 or down between 2015 and 2016, but fell
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 3000
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 in 2018.
While
Linking Words
,
amount
Use synonyms
 of closures
shops
Use synonyms
 rice
dramaticallu
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 until 2016 and had 5000
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 in 3 years, more precisely in 2016, 2017 and 2018.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, number, shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
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