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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between Between 2000 and 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between Between 2000 and 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given table describes
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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the comparison of pupils attending
from
Change preposition
apply
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four secondary school types in 2000, 2005, and 2009. As is shown by the table, we can see that the number of school attendance from community
schools
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased from 2000 to 2009,
while
Linking Words
 voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
 had
an
Correct article usage
the
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 opposite trend. Looking in more detail, in 2000 community
schools
Use synonyms
 proportion was 12% and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started to
growing
Change the form of the verb
grow
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 in 2005 (32%) before it reached the vertex in 2009 (58%).
On the other hand
Linking Words
, voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
 had
peak
Correct article usage
a peak
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 in 2000 (52%) before it fell to the lowest point with 20% in 2009. Meanwhile, grammar
schools
Use synonyms
 had a stable trend between 2000 and 2009 with 12%, 11%, and 10%, respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Special
Schools
Use synonyms
 only had a small proportion of the school attendance with downward trends. In 2000, it was only 12% and slightly decreased to 11% and 10% in 2005 and 2009, respectively.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words schools with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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