Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Humans have always kept
animals
as their pets
and we continued
to do so even in Wrong verb form
continue
the
modern times. But, many of us oppose Correct article usage
apply
this
trend on the grounds of nature
of the Correct article usage
the nature
animals
and their health hazards, especially for kids. However
, I agree with this
notion to a large extent and the points to support my stance are elaborated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, the opponents of domestication assert that no one can judge the mood of these creatures and this
can proved
to be a dangerous situation. In fact, Change the verb form
prove
be proved
pets
when not feeling well often become irritated and angry, in order to vent-out
they can harm owners. To illustrate, Correct your spelling
vent out
few
days ago, in Change the article
a few
Punjab
a dog injured a Add a comma
Punjab,
5 year old
boy and he was admitted to the hospital. Add a hyphen
5-year-old
Thus
, pets
always offer an unpredictable danger to the people attending them.
Moreover
, many of us are allergic to the hairs and feathers of the tamed animals
. As a matter of fact, young ones some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
suffered
acute allergic reactions with the presence of Wrong verb form
suffer
pets
around them. For example
, according to
a survey report, around 42 per cent of the
children are allergic to the hairs of Correct article usage
apply
pets
like dogs and cats. Hence
, domestic creatures are harmful for
Change the preposition
to
child's
health too.
On the other side, proponents of keeping Fix the agreement mistake
children's
animals
assert that they can help in relieveing
stress and can Correct your spelling
relieving
proved
a real help for the individuals, who Change the verb form
prove
lives
away from their Change the verb form
live
beloved
ones. Correct your spelling
loved
Therefore
, they can serve the role of a companion in real
sense.
Correct article usage
a real
To sum up
, it is right to say that pets
play a pivotal role in the life of many individuals, but the
at the same time they can harm kids and can cause severe health problems Correct article usage
apply
such
as allergic reactions, which it self
is a Correct your spelling
itself
life threatening
situation.Add a hyphen
life-threatening
Submitted by mrsdns on
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task achievement
While the essay does address both sides of the argument, it is important to present a more balanced view. Providing more examples and elaborating on each point can strengthen your argument further.
task achievement
Work on the clarity of your ideas. Some sentences are a bit convoluted and may confuse the reader. Simplifying your sentence structures can make your arguments more effective.
coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure is mostly clear, but connections between paragraphs could be stronger. Ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use varied linking words and phrases to improve the cohesion of the essay. This will help in maintaining the reader's interest and making your arguments more persuasively.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and clearly states your opinion.
relevant specific examples
Using specific examples, such as the dog incident in Punjab and the survey report on allergies, makes your arguments more persuasive and relatable.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example