IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Charities and organizations always give special names to particular days such as 'National Children's Day' and 'National Non-smoking Day'. What are the causes of these particular days? How effective are they?

#charities #organizations #names #children
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Charities and organizations strive to make the world a better and more positive place through special awareness days, which give important causes the attention they deserve. I think it’s a great idea with a meaningful and impactful cause. National
Children
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’s
Day
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 is a special event for
children
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. The purpose of
this
Linking Words
day
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 is to remind
children
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 how loved and important they are, especially those dealing with school pressure, busy parents, or even orphans—those who rarely experience love, attention, or affection. It is a
day
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 to remember, and one filled with joy for many
children
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. These events impact
children
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’s happiness in numerous ways, whether through exciting activities, the gifts they receive, or simply the kind words they hear.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, National No Smoking
Day
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 serves as a challenge for those who are addicted to smoking. The aim of
this
Linking Words
day
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 is to give them a chance to stop and realize they do not need these harmful products. It
also
Linking Words
 helps them become aware of the money they are spending on unhealthy, lung-damaging substances. When smokers recognize these facts,
this
Linking Words
 is when the
day
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 becomes truly effective. In conclusion, these awareness days are more important than one might
initially
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 think. They benefit the community,
children
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, and even the elderly. National
Children
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’s
Day
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 allows
children
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 to experience happiness,
while
Linking Words
 National No Smoking
Day
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 gives the elderly and other adults a chance to recognize how smoking negatively affects their health.
Submitted by linamazenaytah on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction to clearly convey the purpose and structure of your response.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more varied transition words to make the progression of your arguments smoother.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your main points, particularly regarding the impact of National No Smoking Day.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and ties together the overall argument.
task achievement
The main ideas are clearly presented and are relevant to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets a positive tone, engaging the reader from the start.
task achievement
You provide specific explanations about the purposes of the awareness days, which helps in understanding their significance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Raise awareness
  • Fundraising campaign
  • Advocacy
  • Policy change
  • Social reform
  • Community engagement
  • Collective action
  • Behavioral change
  • Educational tools
  • Health awareness
  • Public attention
  • Non-profit organizations
  • Initiatives
  • Support and solidarity
  • Resource allocation
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